Not Toyota

Well, I found out about next year.

(As a reminder, my school has used stimulus funding to add an assistant to each classroom. In some cases, these assistants are certified teachers as well- and that's the position I was in this year.)

When I talked with the principal, he sounded like he definitely wanted to move me to a different room for a different experience. I think, based on my evaluations this year, he wants to see if my discipline is better with a different lead teacher. That's fair; I know it wasn't a strength this year even though I didn't have much control over the system.

There are 4 regular classroom openings yet to be filled, but despite that- I'm in an assistant position again for next year. I'll be in first grade with a teacher that is TBA.

It's tough. The openings are there, but my principal just doesn't trust me enough to give me my own classroom yet. My preference was 2nd or 3rd grade, but I'm in 1st. I have to stay in the assistant position but not stay with my current lead teacher, who I work with well and who I know will let me teach.

I understand that he wants me to have a different learning opportunity, but I can't even tell myself, "He specifically put me with this teacher to make me better." Right now, he hasn't put me with any teacher.

I have a job, and I know that in the world of education right now (and especially our state), that alone is an incredible blessing. But although I try to be optimistic, it's frustrating at times to be stuck as a half-teacher. I am certified. I am licensed. And I think, given the chance, I can do this.

But I think I've lost more confidence this year than I've gained. I thought my discipline was fine during student teaching, but this class and group were entirely different. Honestly, after talking with the principal, I expected to be an assistant again- but it still makes me feel like I'm starting over and, after an entire year, I'm not moving forward.

Anxious.

It's almost the end of my first year as a real teacher.

I can't believe it. Two more days and I'm officially done with my first year. It's had ups and downs for sure, but it's almost over. I still feel like it's hard to call this my real "first year," because it's not my first year with my own classroom. Teachers' first years are supposed to be crazy stressful, right?

Sometime in the upcoming two days, I should find out where I'll be placed for next year. I'm honestly a little pessimistic, but I am looking forward to knowing, one way or another.