Sunday, June 22, 2008

keeping pace

Lately, I've felt like I must really be getting to the 'grown up' stage of my life, mostly because I'm nearing the end of my college career and so many people I know are becoming engaged or married. Even though it's odd for me, I'm happy for them. Getting engaged, getting married, graduating, getting 'real' jobs, and even having kids are exciting milestones.

But with those good things come some sad.

Today I found out that a girl I took dance lessons with for many years had passed away. Her obituary is vague, and I don't know how or why she died. I did find out she'd had a child- a son- that I didn't know about before. I hadn't talked to this girl in years, as she quit dance before me, and I quit my sophomore year of high school.

We weren't especially close, but we were in the same class for years growing up, and I remember her well. It's hard for me to believe she's died.

I talk a lot about my dad's death, because it affected me the most of any death I've experienced. But there's something different about something traumatic happening to one of my peers- like this girl, or my roommate from a couple of years ago. I wasn't still close to either girl, so I didn't grieve, exactly, but it's still weird for me to think about.

I wish I could describe it better, but I feel like it's the other side of the 'feeling older' coin. It feels strange and different that so many people around my age are taking such big steps in their lives, but it also feels strange to know that some of the people around my age are losing their lives, never having the opportunity to take some of those big steps.

It feels like a goofy analogy, but I guess it seems a little like running a race and watching some people alongside you start taking bigger strides and moving ahead, but at the same time seeing a couple dropping out of the race. When I'm sort of nonchalantly keeping pace, it feels weird to see others taking such dramatic turns, for the better or worse.

Rest in peace, Corrine.

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