Unfair

Today we did another lesson on Martin Luther King, Jr. (I teach Science or Social Studies every Tuesday and Thursday.) Our kids were starting to remember the stories, but I didn't think they'd really gotten just how unfair everything was.

I started out by doing a read-aloud, but on the SmartBoard. I called students to sit by what color they were wearing. I told them, "Well, red shirts are the best, so if you have a red shirt, come sit in the front row." A couple of kids looked at me quizzically, but they went with it. "Blue shirts, I guess you're okay. Come on up in the second row. Remember, only red shirts are good enough to be in front." Then I continued. "Everyone else..."

The other kids started to stand up, but I said, "You have to stay at your seats." There were a couple of angry faces, but only one spoke out and I shushed him quickly. "Now I need someone to go turn off the lights." Hands shot up. "But it's an important job, so I want someone with a red shirt."

We went on to read this book, and when I had a question to ask, I only called on kids with red shirts. One time I said another student's name, but stopped myself and said, "Oh, wait, I need to choose someone with a red shirt. Those are the smartest kids." The girl I had almost called on was indignant, and I heard some surprised gasps, but I kept moving with the lesson and at the end, called everyone down to the carpet.

I talked about how Martin Luther King, Jr. didn't like that people were judged by the color of their skin, and then I asked the kids what I had been judging them by. Some of the kids- especially those in the back of the room- had hands in the air immediately. I explained that I didn't really think shirt color mattered, but we talked about how it made people feel when I pretended it did.

A few minutes later, we finished the book, with everyone sitting together. I felt like it had gone well, and the kids really seemed to have understood on an emotional level (not just a cognitive one) how it would feel to be judged on an arbitrary characteristic. (A lot of teachers do this with eye color, but I didn't think I had enough variation in our class to make it useful.)

I noticed at the end of the story, one girl was crying. It was the girl I had almost called on but then stopped to call on someone with a red shirt. I felt terrible- even though I'd meant to make the situation feel unfair, I didn't want her still upset! Especially because she's not one of those kids who cries often.

We all went back to our seats, and I immediately went over to her. As she sat down, I told her that I hadn't really meant that she wasn't smart enough to answer the question, that I was sure she knew the answer, and that I was only trying to show how unfair things used to be. She nodded. I asked her if she was mad at me, and she said, "No."

I was confused. "What's wrong?"

She looked up at me, wiping away one of her last tears, and just said simply, "I'm sad that someone killed Martin Luther King."

I don't know if it was the shirt color segregation or what, but something hit home.

Open House!

Every teacher blog I read seems to be focusing on how their classroom is set up for the new year, and I love it. I'm picking up so many wonderful ideas and so much inspiration for when I set up my own room! (See: linky on Babbling Abby's fantastic Teacher Week!) It makes me itch to get started and buy and make new things.

Unfortunately, I'm not at the stage of having my own room, but I am working on setting up a classroom! Our open house was this past week, and school is starting soon!

I've been helping my new partner-in-rhyme (eh... not sure about that one). We've been working on moving her into a new school while she also moves at home. I don't know how she's doing it, and I know she has got to be so stressed. She seems like she has a million different wonderful teaching ideas, and I can't wait to learn from her, but she's been so busy that I spent some time getting ready alone in the room this week.

It was odd; at times, I could think of so many things that I would do if it were my room. Some of these were things I didn't know if she wanted to do herself (or at all), and some of them were things that I would simply want to check with her about before I started working. It was a little odd to know what to do but not feel I could do it, but it also felt like a trial run.

I can tell already that one of the ways my assistant position has helped me is simply in showing me what a room needs to be ready. Between student teaching and where I was last year, I've seen two very different classrooms. Because I student taught in the Spring, though, I didn't get to see everything the teacher did at the beginning of the year (both before students came, and on that all-important first day).

Here were some of the things I did as we got ready for Open House:


- Make a bulletin board outside the room with student names so they can find their room.
(I put each name on a balloon and then tied a string from each one. Then I gathered the strings so they were in one big bunch!)
- Put away student supplies.
(Our school is purchasing or getting donated the necessary supplies, so I separated them all from their bulk boxes and put them in individual boxes for each kid or into a class supply area.)
- Label art boxes. They all look alike and I know we'll have arguments of whose are whose! 

- Distribute books to each desk.

- Label any place the kids will use specifically in the room, such as cubbies.

- Make a name label for each desk- but class lists change a lot, so don't attach them far in advance!

And those were just the things I actually did! If it were my room, I would want to do even more before open house.

I'd make sure we had a large name label for each teacher's desk, a welcome message up on the SmartBoard, a sign-in sheet and parent volunteer sheet, a note with a picture of me and treat for each student inside their desk at open house, and a page or activity for parents and/or students to do while at open house! I might even let students sign in on the SmartBoard (but make sure that no other writing utensils but the SmartBoard pens are in sight!), or I might have a slideshow of pictures from the year before on the board to show students some of the activities they will be doing.



At our school, open house happens before school starts and families mill around the school at any time in the hour to see their students' classrooms. There is no time where all parents are in your room to hear a talk or presentation, but luckily we still had time to greet each student and family that came in. About half of our students came, which is actually much better attendance than last year! The kids really like seeing their name outside the door and then coming in to see their special spots and things in the room. And, of course, meeting even half of the kids has me so excited to start school this week!

All the preparation also got me thinking about the things I would like to do to set up my own classroom next year- not just for open house, but for the whole year. This week I hope to type out my list for each step along the way so that next year, I'll have each small step written out and ready to be crossed off when it's done!

The Red Pen

I try to look for the bright side of things, and this past year has been no exception. Starting out my teaching career as an assistant to another teacher had its perks.

I didn't have that notorious Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad First Year. I was given plenty of opportunities to teach, and plan, and grade- I just didn't have to do ALL of it. I could share those responsibilities and not feel overwhelmed, while still getting a teacher pay and compensation.

Honestly, even just getting a job as a teacher of any kind was wonderful.

I wasn't the only teacher in this kind of position in our school, and a lot of us became friends. We were together in just starting out and wishing for our own room.

And for a few of the teachers, that happened. By Spring Break, they knew they had their own room for the following year. They were thrilled, but of course, didn't want to brag. I made my best effort to bring it up and congratulate them so that my friends wouldn't feel awkward, but it's hard to see other people getting what you want.

When I was evaluated, I was cut down hard for my classroom management. I know it's something a lot of new teachers hear, so it probably shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but it was unexpected. We were having some discipline issues in our classroom and I knew that, but never before in ANY evaluation (even all through student teaching) had I been criticized for my ability to keep the class under control. I had my weaknesses but that was not one I knew.

I was told that even as an assistant, the kids had to know that when I was in front of them, teaching, certain things were and were not acceptable- regardless of the classroom climate when the other teacher was up in front of them. If they could get up and get a drink mid-lesson with the other teacher, they had to know they couldn't with ME. I wasn't sure what else I could do- many times I already felt like I was tougher with discipline than the other teacher, but the system in place didn't have much in the way of consequences. I would have loved to change it, but couldn't do more than suggest a change. I also wasn't sure I even wanted to force inconsistency of the rules on the kids- I felt it would be confusing and probably not work well without consequences to back it up.

It was hard for me because I felt that it wasn't necessarily a weakness of my teaching, and I wasn't sure how to show improvement. I was told the principal saw improvement on the next evaluation, but I could tell  much more was expected. In none of my evaluations did I get better than a "Satisfactory" in any category, so I was left feeling like I was bad at this, and not especially good at anything. Despite the words that came out on the evaluation, the tone and suggestions still said, "You aren't good at this."

It was interesting to me, too, and I wondered if the principal noticed- the lead teachers who were struggling with classroom management had assistants who also struggled, and the lead teachers who did well with classroom management had assistants who also did well. Coincidence? Well, to me, this speaks of classroom climate having a very strong impact, and it being hard to evaluate each individual independent of it, especially assistants who have little control over the climate. But I'm not sure the principal saw it the same way.

When time came to get my assignment for the next year, I knew better than to hold out much hope that I would join my friends in having my own classroom. I could tell the principal didn't trust me to have my own room yet.

Honestly, from the principal perspective, I know they only want to put people in a classroom that they have seen demonstrate really doing it. It makes sense. But the principal has to know it is hard on us to see our colleagues- the people who are just as new as us, and who were on the same level as us before- moving up, when we don't get to.

It's hard, and I'm jealous. If there just wasn't room, that would be one thing. But there are rooms with no 'head teacher'- including the one I'm assigned to for next year. I don't know who I'll work with, and may not know until the last minute. I don't know if this is someone that will let me do much actual teaching. I don't know if this is someone who is strong where I'm not and will teach me a lot and make me a better teacher. I don't know if this is someone I'll even get along with at all.

The hardest part for me is that except for my evaluations and this whole issue, I feel this year has made me a better teacher. The teacher I worked with was great and let me be a partner. I know my first year will be easier because of this year. But overall, my confidence in myself running a classroom has diminished.

I was scared before, but knowing that the principal doesn't have faith in my abilities makes me terrified. What if those opinions are right? What if I CAN'T control the kids? What if I'm NOT cut out for this?

If I ended up getting one of the open positions for the fall, it would be at the last minute. And while this whole thing speaks to me wanting my own room, I'm not sure I want one this year. Not a week before school with little time to set up and plan. Not knowing that the administration doesn't trust me and sees it as a risk. Not with my self-confidence so low.

I don't know what would have made them better, but I know for sure that evaluations shouldn't leave me feeling like this.