Haha, I went to a huge garage sale today and found some of the games we used to have- including Reading Rabbit 2, which I'd forgotten all about. Annnd... Super Solvers Midnight Rescue. :)
I totally bought it for $1.
And it still comes on a floppy disk. Hahaha.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
sin pantalones
I found a website today about "No Pants Day" and I wish May was a whole lot closer.
Basically, this is one of those random obscure holidays... and, in this case, it's exactly what it sounds like. Unless you're from Britain, in which case "no pants" means the American equivalent of "no underwear." While one could just wear a skirt, shorts, or something else that isn't quite pants but is still a normal covering of one's lower unmentionables... the point of this holiday is to proudly sport boxers, briefs, bloomers, slips, or something else un-pants-like all day in public in lieu of normal attire.
Sounds like a lot of fun to me. Actually, sounds a lot like a day-long game of Ankles (in which at least two people pull down their pants and stand there looking at each other until one person- the loser- feels awkward and pulls their pants back up).
I think this would be fun to spread around Purdue, especially since the first Friday of May is, a) a Friday (and therefore there is a good possibility of improv- though maybe not that late?) and b) either during dead week or finals week, and would be an excellent way to relieve finals stress, in my opinion.
Pantsless fountain run, anyone? :)
Basically, this is one of those random obscure holidays... and, in this case, it's exactly what it sounds like. Unless you're from Britain, in which case "no pants" means the American equivalent of "no underwear." While one could just wear a skirt, shorts, or something else that isn't quite pants but is still a normal covering of one's lower unmentionables... the point of this holiday is to proudly sport boxers, briefs, bloomers, slips, or something else un-pants-like all day in public in lieu of normal attire.
Sounds like a lot of fun to me. Actually, sounds a lot like a day-long game of Ankles (in which at least two people pull down their pants and stand there looking at each other until one person- the loser- feels awkward and pulls their pants back up).
I think this would be fun to spread around Purdue, especially since the first Friday of May is, a) a Friday (and therefore there is a good possibility of improv- though maybe not that late?) and b) either during dead week or finals week, and would be an excellent way to relieve finals stress, in my opinion.
Pantsless fountain run, anyone? :)
Monday, July 24, 2006
save me, tom cruise!
Today my mom wanted me to go through some old computer stuff that we still had. A few were CD-ROMs of games we never play; about half of the stuff was composed of old cases or books to games we don't have anymore.
I found some of the stuff that came with a few of my favorite games from when I was younger. Of course, we've given the actual games away... we just have the booklets on how to play them or the cases they came in. Still, it was a nice trip down memory lane.
Gizmos & Gadgets- This game was awesome. You had to build a vehicle, and you were given a plan... but you had to go find the parts. To find the parts, you had to trek through a warehouse and solve science puzzles behind doors (build a circuit, use simple machines, etc). You had to watch out for the chimps, who would steal the parts! But if you had bananas, they'd go away. Once you built your vehicle, you could change its color and which parts you used before racing it against the bad guy's vehicle. It was definitely an educational game, but it was also a lot of fun and I remember playing it during recess in elementary school as well as at home.
Midnight Rescue was another game in the Super Solvers series (like Gizmos). Morty, the same bad guy, is trying to erase the school by midnight. You have to find clues in notes and stories, as well as taking pictures of Morty's robots, to find out which robot is really Morty in disguise this time! Of course, this game is designed to test reading comprehension and teach vocabulary and that sort of thing, but it was a lot of fun to hurry to press the space bar as soon as you saw a robot so you could get a picture of him in time and to figure out which robot was the bad guy and make him disappear. I was actually trying to think of this game a few days ago for some reason, because I remember it being so much fun.
Logical Journey of the Zoombinis, now packaged as Zoobinis: Logical Journey (because there are apparently more Zoombinis games now and I did not know this?!), was definitely one of my favorites even in the later years. My second grade classroom (that I spent time in this past semester) had this game on their computers and the kids still loved it. This game was big on logic skills (imagine that), as well as patterns, math, and reasoning. You started out creating Zoombinis with various attributes- they could have different feet, eyes, hair, and noses. For some games, you had to use these attributes- for instance, you had to place every Zoombini on a boat and on either side it had to touch Zoombinis that it had something in common with. Other games were different, such as having to figure out what kind of pizza toppings the villain wanted by trying some toppings and seeing what worked and didn't work. The games started out easy, but as you traversed the same path with more groups of Zoombinis, the games would get increasingly difficult. The Zoombinis are deathly cute, and I'm quite sure that if I played this game today I'd still have fun, even at 19.
We had some other great educational computer games, too, when I was little- Math Blaster, The Oregon Trail, and Carmen Sandiego, for instance- but I think they're a bit more well-known so I didn't go into them.
I think I'm definitely going to have to buy a copy of each for my classroom when I'm a teacher. I'm pretty sure these games are timeless and could still help kids learn while being fun. That, and I want to play them again. :)
Anyone else remember some great old games?
I found some of the stuff that came with a few of my favorite games from when I was younger. Of course, we've given the actual games away... we just have the booklets on how to play them or the cases they came in. Still, it was a nice trip down memory lane.
Gizmos & Gadgets- This game was awesome. You had to build a vehicle, and you were given a plan... but you had to go find the parts. To find the parts, you had to trek through a warehouse and solve science puzzles behind doors (build a circuit, use simple machines, etc). You had to watch out for the chimps, who would steal the parts! But if you had bananas, they'd go away. Once you built your vehicle, you could change its color and which parts you used before racing it against the bad guy's vehicle. It was definitely an educational game, but it was also a lot of fun and I remember playing it during recess in elementary school as well as at home.
Midnight Rescue was another game in the Super Solvers series (like Gizmos). Morty, the same bad guy, is trying to erase the school by midnight. You have to find clues in notes and stories, as well as taking pictures of Morty's robots, to find out which robot is really Morty in disguise this time! Of course, this game is designed to test reading comprehension and teach vocabulary and that sort of thing, but it was a lot of fun to hurry to press the space bar as soon as you saw a robot so you could get a picture of him in time and to figure out which robot was the bad guy and make him disappear. I was actually trying to think of this game a few days ago for some reason, because I remember it being so much fun.
Logical Journey of the Zoombinis, now packaged as Zoobinis: Logical Journey (because there are apparently more Zoombinis games now and I did not know this?!), was definitely one of my favorites even in the later years. My second grade classroom (that I spent time in this past semester) had this game on their computers and the kids still loved it. This game was big on logic skills (imagine that), as well as patterns, math, and reasoning. You started out creating Zoombinis with various attributes- they could have different feet, eyes, hair, and noses. For some games, you had to use these attributes- for instance, you had to place every Zoombini on a boat and on either side it had to touch Zoombinis that it had something in common with. Other games were different, such as having to figure out what kind of pizza toppings the villain wanted by trying some toppings and seeing what worked and didn't work. The games started out easy, but as you traversed the same path with more groups of Zoombinis, the games would get increasingly difficult. The Zoombinis are deathly cute, and I'm quite sure that if I played this game today I'd still have fun, even at 19.
We had some other great educational computer games, too, when I was little- Math Blaster, The Oregon Trail, and Carmen Sandiego, for instance- but I think they're a bit more well-known so I didn't go into them.
I think I'm definitely going to have to buy a copy of each for my classroom when I'm a teacher. I'm pretty sure these games are timeless and could still help kids learn while being fun. That, and I want to play them again. :)
Anyone else remember some great old games?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
one short day
This entry is going to be a little less "my thoughts on _____" and a little more venting.
I want to write about one of my "best" friends. Anyone who knows me well will probably know who I'm talking about, but I don't care. This friend and I have known each other since my freshman year of high school (his sophomore year). We got to know each other through band, and quickly became really good friends. We hung out all the time, and evvveryone thought we were "meant to be" a couple. His parents would joke about us getting married. We went to prom both his junior and senior year, but I just saw him as a friend and tried to make that clear to him and everyone else. My senior year, he was here at Purdue and we started talking more than ever online. We really got to be close, and at one point he said something joking and kind of flirty, and I asked for clarification.
As it turned out, apparently the whole time I knew him, he had a crush on me. By this point, I knew him so well- we were best friends, without a doubt, and hung out together most weekends despite him being in college. I still didn't think I had any romantic feelings towards him, but he was my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him without maybe giving things a chance. I mean, he was a great guy, and there weren't reasons why I shouldn't like him... but unfortunately, that doesn't always cut it. We "sort of" dated, on a trial basis as to not start wedding rumors again, but after hanging out as "maybe-more-than-friends" a few times, I realized I still didn't feel any sparks. I was comfortable around him, sure, and I had fun... but there wasn't that attraction and excitement that comes with a crush. I let him know, and after a short period of awkwardness, we went back to friends as always. The next year, when I arrived at Purdue, we spent a lot of time together. At first, it was a lot of fun to go over, watch [adult swim], watch movies (LOTR marathon!), order food, and just chill there. But as time wore on, our Sunday night get-together became as much a ritual as a fun activity. Go over, pick up pizza downstairs, eat, watch tv/play on computers/do math homework for the week/ask friend and his roommate for math help. My friend and I ate lunch together everyday at my dorm, and dinner together with a couple of friends everyday at his dorm. For awhile, I really liked hanging out with him allll the time. But after awhile, I got a little bored. I was used to a million clubs in high school, and I was involved in absolutely nothing at school besides Women In Science. I wanted to do something besides just watching movies and TV every single weekend.
I tried to think about what I wanted to join. The dancing clubs all cost money, and by this point I was almost halfway through the semester. The newspaper- too late. I glanced through some of the flyers I'd picked up at orientation, and looked over the emails I'd been receiving from a few clubs. The improv club's emails stuck out. I'd done drama club in high school and always liked the few improv games we did, even if I was terrible myself. Plus, Benji's emails are funny. I decided that it seemed like an easy thing to just show up for, for free, and not have to do anything. And it might be fun. So I headed to improv, by myself, and had a good time. I met about 3 people, and was proud of myself for going alone and introducing myself to people, even. I went back the next week (I think), went up for a game during the workshop and actually didn't suck, met more people, and was invited to their Halloween party, where I started getting to know everyone (including Ryan). Especially since Ryan and I started hanging out soon after that, it wasn't very long before I was not only going to improv, but also going out with the group. I obviously liked the group a lot- still do- because they're a lot of fun and improv is funny and entertaining.
Excited about my new friends/activity, I invited my best friend to come along to improv, but was turned down. Soon after I met Ryan, the friend not only refused to come try improv once, but told me he wasn't sure he could handle hanging out with me that week- at all. More than half a year after I had told him I didn't like him in the same way he liked me, this friend couldn't deal with the fact that I was dating someone. He got over that in a few days, but I still tried not to mention Ryan, despite the fact I was really excited about my crush and it wasn't easy. I tried to wait, even as we'd been dating months, until my friend was ready to meet Ryan. I didn't want to push things or shove anything in his face.
Gradually, I started hanging out with some other people more- friends from my classes, friends from improv, and Ryan. And I was glad-- college isn't meant, in my opinion, as just classroom learning, and I don't think that hanging out with all people you knew in high school and not trying anything new really take advantage of the opportunities. That doesn't mean I don't want to keep high school friends... it just means that I want to make new friends, too.
What bothers me now, I guess, is that eight months after the Halloween party, this friend still can't seem to get over the fact that I'm dating. It would be acceptable to me if he had met Ryan and didn't like him, or had tried improv and didn't think it was fun, or had hung out with some of my other friends and decided he'd rather not do it again. But I don't want to lose his friendship, despite the fact that I'm branching out, and I've tried to invite him and include him in the things I'm doing, and... he won't even try. I really, really think he would get along well with a lot of the improv group, and yet he will not sacrifice 1 Friday of sitting in front of the TV to give it a try. He's hardly even civil in journal comments to Ryan. I hate it-- if he would just give things a try, I would be happy. If he did, and didn't like it... fine. But don't criticize someone you don't know at all. Don't refuse to try an activity when you have nothing planned and nothing to lose. Don't act like I have to choose you or my new friends, because I don't want one or the other. And finally, get out and do something. Learn something new. Meet people. Meet girls. You've liked me for, what, 5 years now?... and you know that nothing's going to happen there. It's been confirmed both by me telling you so, and by me dating someone else for 8 months. Grow UP, please, and accept that with me, it's going to be friendship or nothing. I can't help how I feel, and I don't want to hurt you, but it hurts ME when you refuse to do something that might be kind of uncomfortable for you but means a lot to me. If you care that much about me, you would want me to be happy... and you would want to do whatever you could to salvage our friendship. I'm not saying it would be easy, because I know I haven't been in those shoes and I know it's got to be hard, but you have to make an effort.
I know he can't get over me instantly. But it's been at least a year, now, since I said that I didn't like him as more than friends, and I think I've given him plenty of time to get used to the idea of me dating someone. I don't understand his total aversion to meeting Ryan or going to improv, I guess, and so it makes me feel like he's not trying at all to keep our friendship. And it hurts.
I know this sounds harsh so far, but I really do value our friendship a lot. It just feels like sometimes it's too much drama to even mess with anymore. And I'm unsure what I can do, at this point, to make things better from my end. Because I'm not going to break up with Ryan (because I still wouldn't like my friend, so what good would that do?), and I'm not going to stop going to improv and whatever other clubs I join (because I enjoy them), and I'm definitely not going to stop trying to make and get closer to new friends (because my newish friends are awesome). So... I feel somewhat helpless and sad, but also kind of stubborn and angry, about the whole situation, and I guess I just hope, but doubt, that things will get better with us soon.
*sigh* I know I've written about this a million times. I guess writing just usually helps me make sense of something that's on my mind. That, and I kind of hope someone will tell me if I'm being crazy or irrational... or that someone will confirm I'm not being insane.
I want to write about one of my "best" friends. Anyone who knows me well will probably know who I'm talking about, but I don't care. This friend and I have known each other since my freshman year of high school (his sophomore year). We got to know each other through band, and quickly became really good friends. We hung out all the time, and evvveryone thought we were "meant to be" a couple. His parents would joke about us getting married. We went to prom both his junior and senior year, but I just saw him as a friend and tried to make that clear to him and everyone else. My senior year, he was here at Purdue and we started talking more than ever online. We really got to be close, and at one point he said something joking and kind of flirty, and I asked for clarification.
As it turned out, apparently the whole time I knew him, he had a crush on me. By this point, I knew him so well- we were best friends, without a doubt, and hung out together most weekends despite him being in college. I still didn't think I had any romantic feelings towards him, but he was my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him without maybe giving things a chance. I mean, he was a great guy, and there weren't reasons why I shouldn't like him... but unfortunately, that doesn't always cut it. We "sort of" dated, on a trial basis as to not start wedding rumors again, but after hanging out as "maybe-more-than-friends" a few times, I realized I still didn't feel any sparks. I was comfortable around him, sure, and I had fun... but there wasn't that attraction and excitement that comes with a crush. I let him know, and after a short period of awkwardness, we went back to friends as always. The next year, when I arrived at Purdue, we spent a lot of time together. At first, it was a lot of fun to go over, watch [adult swim], watch movies (LOTR marathon!), order food, and just chill there. But as time wore on, our Sunday night get-together became as much a ritual as a fun activity. Go over, pick up pizza downstairs, eat, watch tv/play on computers/do math homework for the week/ask friend and his roommate for math help. My friend and I ate lunch together everyday at my dorm, and dinner together with a couple of friends everyday at his dorm. For awhile, I really liked hanging out with him allll the time. But after awhile, I got a little bored. I was used to a million clubs in high school, and I was involved in absolutely nothing at school besides Women In Science. I wanted to do something besides just watching movies and TV every single weekend.
I tried to think about what I wanted to join. The dancing clubs all cost money, and by this point I was almost halfway through the semester. The newspaper- too late. I glanced through some of the flyers I'd picked up at orientation, and looked over the emails I'd been receiving from a few clubs. The improv club's emails stuck out. I'd done drama club in high school and always liked the few improv games we did, even if I was terrible myself. Plus, Benji's emails are funny. I decided that it seemed like an easy thing to just show up for, for free, and not have to do anything. And it might be fun. So I headed to improv, by myself, and had a good time. I met about 3 people, and was proud of myself for going alone and introducing myself to people, even. I went back the next week (I think), went up for a game during the workshop and actually didn't suck, met more people, and was invited to their Halloween party, where I started getting to know everyone (including Ryan). Especially since Ryan and I started hanging out soon after that, it wasn't very long before I was not only going to improv, but also going out with the group. I obviously liked the group a lot- still do- because they're a lot of fun and improv is funny and entertaining.
Excited about my new friends/activity, I invited my best friend to come along to improv, but was turned down. Soon after I met Ryan, the friend not only refused to come try improv once, but told me he wasn't sure he could handle hanging out with me that week- at all. More than half a year after I had told him I didn't like him in the same way he liked me, this friend couldn't deal with the fact that I was dating someone. He got over that in a few days, but I still tried not to mention Ryan, despite the fact I was really excited about my crush and it wasn't easy. I tried to wait, even as we'd been dating months, until my friend was ready to meet Ryan. I didn't want to push things or shove anything in his face.
Gradually, I started hanging out with some other people more- friends from my classes, friends from improv, and Ryan. And I was glad-- college isn't meant, in my opinion, as just classroom learning, and I don't think that hanging out with all people you knew in high school and not trying anything new really take advantage of the opportunities. That doesn't mean I don't want to keep high school friends... it just means that I want to make new friends, too.
What bothers me now, I guess, is that eight months after the Halloween party, this friend still can't seem to get over the fact that I'm dating. It would be acceptable to me if he had met Ryan and didn't like him, or had tried improv and didn't think it was fun, or had hung out with some of my other friends and decided he'd rather not do it again. But I don't want to lose his friendship, despite the fact that I'm branching out, and I've tried to invite him and include him in the things I'm doing, and... he won't even try. I really, really think he would get along well with a lot of the improv group, and yet he will not sacrifice 1 Friday of sitting in front of the TV to give it a try. He's hardly even civil in journal comments to Ryan. I hate it-- if he would just give things a try, I would be happy. If he did, and didn't like it... fine. But don't criticize someone you don't know at all. Don't refuse to try an activity when you have nothing planned and nothing to lose. Don't act like I have to choose you or my new friends, because I don't want one or the other. And finally, get out and do something. Learn something new. Meet people. Meet girls. You've liked me for, what, 5 years now?... and you know that nothing's going to happen there. It's been confirmed both by me telling you so, and by me dating someone else for 8 months. Grow UP, please, and accept that with me, it's going to be friendship or nothing. I can't help how I feel, and I don't want to hurt you, but it hurts ME when you refuse to do something that might be kind of uncomfortable for you but means a lot to me. If you care that much about me, you would want me to be happy... and you would want to do whatever you could to salvage our friendship. I'm not saying it would be easy, because I know I haven't been in those shoes and I know it's got to be hard, but you have to make an effort.
I know he can't get over me instantly. But it's been at least a year, now, since I said that I didn't like him as more than friends, and I think I've given him plenty of time to get used to the idea of me dating someone. I don't understand his total aversion to meeting Ryan or going to improv, I guess, and so it makes me feel like he's not trying at all to keep our friendship. And it hurts.
I know this sounds harsh so far, but I really do value our friendship a lot. It just feels like sometimes it's too much drama to even mess with anymore. And I'm unsure what I can do, at this point, to make things better from my end. Because I'm not going to break up with Ryan (because I still wouldn't like my friend, so what good would that do?), and I'm not going to stop going to improv and whatever other clubs I join (because I enjoy them), and I'm definitely not going to stop trying to make and get closer to new friends (because my newish friends are awesome). So... I feel somewhat helpless and sad, but also kind of stubborn and angry, about the whole situation, and I guess I just hope, but doubt, that things will get better with us soon.
*sigh* I know I've written about this a million times. I guess writing just usually helps me make sense of something that's on my mind. That, and I kind of hope someone will tell me if I'm being crazy or irrational... or that someone will confirm I'm not being insane.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
indepencia
The fourth of July... fireworks, freedom, and fun. As far as holidays go, I guess it's never been one of my favorites or one of the most meaningful. Don't get me wrong; I love my country and all of that. It's just that when I think of holidays, I think about the celebration with my family, and my family has never really had very specific 4th of July traditions. My mom's not big on fireworks (...big surprise), but we've always had some Sparklers and little things. Usually we'd spend the 4th with our cousins, either at the lake house (we had our own long before the movie) or at their house in the country, and my uncle and cousins would set off some fun stuff. But a couple of years, I spent the day with Abby at a family friend's, and one year, I remember lighting off fireworks after the 4th in the parking lot of a church (I can't remember with who, though). Some years my grandparents will have a cookout; other years we'll have people over. A couple of times, our youth group went to an Indianapolis Indians game and watched fireworks afterwards. Sometimes I'd go to the Haynes-Apperson festival with friends. This year, we went to a cookout with some family friends, and a few days ago I watched the fireworks with Gwen.
Despite usually doing something and usually having some fun, I guess the 4th of July isn't as memorable for me because there aren't any family traditions, exactly. With a lot of other holidays, I can remember things we do every year... and when we have strayed from that, it doesn't feel right.
I do enjoy fireworks a whole lot, though... and I like the holiday. It's nice, and usually we do something outside because it's summer, unlike a lot of holidays. Plus, I think it's nice to think about our country and the military and our history, because although they are things that affects our everyday life, we don't often think about them during our everyday life.
So, happy 4th of July, everyone... hope you have a fun and memorable holiday. :) I'm off to go watch Beauty and the Beast with my momma~!
Despite usually doing something and usually having some fun, I guess the 4th of July isn't as memorable for me because there aren't any family traditions, exactly. With a lot of other holidays, I can remember things we do every year... and when we have strayed from that, it doesn't feel right.
I do enjoy fireworks a whole lot, though... and I like the holiday. It's nice, and usually we do something outside because it's summer, unlike a lot of holidays. Plus, I think it's nice to think about our country and the military and our history, because although they are things that affects our everyday life, we don't often think about them during our everyday life.
So, happy 4th of July, everyone... hope you have a fun and memorable holiday. :) I'm off to go watch Beauty and the Beast with my momma~!
Friday, June 23, 2006
would you like to try the ribs?
(First of all, I'm sorry for not posting in so long... apparently people check this semi-regularly, and yet it's been almost a month since I last posted. Yes, my internet access has been a little spotty, but I still appreciate the fact that people care and I feel bad for leaving you post-less. So thanks for reading, and I'll try to get better about the regular-posting-ness. Perhaps a certain boyfriend of mine can do the same on his blog. ;)
For those of you who don't know me personally or especially well, you may not know how I've spent my time lately. I'm working under a professor at my university who does some research on stomatopods (who I will most likely post about at some point because they are just about the most interesting animals evar) and coordinates two big outreach projects. I've been helping him with the outreach programs so far this summer, and I love it. Both biology and education are interests and either past or current majors of mine, so a mix of the two is absolutely superb.
The job also includes some super sweet perks, one of which includes room and board at the university during the biology programs (two programs at two weeks apiece for high schoolers). While about half of the high school students coming to the program are local or semi-local (commuting every day), the other half are from Indy and stay on campus in a residence hall (probably Purdue's nicest dorm, actually) during the week. I'm staying in one of the rooms, just like the students. Actually, I have a student roommate. Anyway-- all of these kids are from Indianapolis, and with the exception of 3 students, maybe (out of approximately 15? kids), all of them are African-American. (From here on out, I'm going to use "black" and "white" when applicable, because although it may not be considered politically correct, I find it both easier and more natural, and I don't think I'll offend anyone. Hopefully, anyway.)
A few days ago, the kids started a conversation about racism, and it was really interesting. Everything started with one black boy feeling offended by a white man making small talk with him and asking if he was a basketball player. This boy felt like the man assumed that because he was a young black male, he must play basketball. He handled it well, though, telling the man about the biology camp, and the man replied that he was part of a group there for a 3-on-3 basketball tournament, and had seen this boy with his two friends.
This boy told the other students and the two teacher/mentors about it. The first teacher, a white man who relates really well to the students, tried to explain to the boy that while it was perfectly possible that the man did make a racist assumption, there were other options. The man could have been thinking of the circumstances (a high school 3-on-3 tournament going on, seeing him in a group of 3 high school boys), or simply not thinking much (maybe he had basketball on the brain?). The teacher wasn't saying that the man absolutely was not being racist, because the teacher couldn't know, obviously... the teacher just wanted to make the point that the man might not have intended his comment in a racist fashion at all.
This makes a lot of sense to me. In my opinion, if a person of one race assumes that a person of another race is being racist... then that person is being racist. That's confusing, so let me try again. If Blue Guy assumes that Red Guy's comment or action is racist just because Red Guy happens to be Red, then Blue Guy is actually being racist against Red Guys. It's still kind of confusing, but maybe a bit better?
The other teacher disagreed entirely. She, a black woman, was quite adamant that if a black person gives the benefit of the doubt to a white person who said a questionably racist comment, that black person is failing to fight racism and failing to stand up for their race. I have a big problem with that, because she was essentially saying that people should assume the worst intent. Apparently a tactful inquiry into the person's action/comment is absolutely not even an option. Making an ignorant assumption is much better, in her opinion.
I'm not trying to say racism doesn't exist or shouldn't be acknowledged when it does occur; I'm also not trying to say I know what it feels like to be stereotyped in the same manner as a black person. But I feel like racism is only propogated by behavior like that. I don't think the racism of the past or present should be "gotten over" or forgotten-- but I also don't think that dwelling helps things. It's important to learn from what happened before and then to apply it to what's happening now to make things better. And, in my opinion, making assumptions about someone else rarely makes anything better. I mean, we all know how the word "assume" breaks down.
An example of this type of assumption... as the student group was leaving the restaurant where they had this loud and boisterous racism discussion, an older white man with a Vietnam veteran's hat stopped the white teacher. He asked the teacher if this was a rap group, and the teacher was at first somewhat taken aback. He corrected the guy, explaining about the science camp, and said something about the man making an assumption that a group of mostly young black students would be a rap group... and now the older man seemed surprised. "Oh, no, that's not what I meant!" he said. "I was talking about a WRAP group, like in the Vietnam era." Apparently in that time, it was popular for groups of students to get together and discuss issues and opinions, much like the science group had done that night. It made perfect sense, and the man didn't at all mean to be racist, even though initially it certainly sounded like he was stereotyping.
It was an interesting ending to the evening, to say the least. The incident with the older man just showed that misunderstandings are not only possible, but happen. It's all really intriguing to me, mainly because I've rarely felt the pressure of any stereotype against me. But I'm definitely glad for the opportunity to spend time with intelligent people and peers who can try to fill me in and teach me and tell me what they've experienced. I feel like my job is teaching me a lot of unexpected things. Guess that's just another one of the perks. :)
For those of you who don't know me personally or especially well, you may not know how I've spent my time lately. I'm working under a professor at my university who does some research on stomatopods (who I will most likely post about at some point because they are just about the most interesting animals evar) and coordinates two big outreach projects. I've been helping him with the outreach programs so far this summer, and I love it. Both biology and education are interests and either past or current majors of mine, so a mix of the two is absolutely superb.
The job also includes some super sweet perks, one of which includes room and board at the university during the biology programs (two programs at two weeks apiece for high schoolers). While about half of the high school students coming to the program are local or semi-local (commuting every day), the other half are from Indy and stay on campus in a residence hall (probably Purdue's nicest dorm, actually) during the week. I'm staying in one of the rooms, just like the students. Actually, I have a student roommate. Anyway-- all of these kids are from Indianapolis, and with the exception of 3 students, maybe (out of approximately 15? kids), all of them are African-American. (From here on out, I'm going to use "black" and "white" when applicable, because although it may not be considered politically correct, I find it both easier and more natural, and I don't think I'll offend anyone. Hopefully, anyway.)
A few days ago, the kids started a conversation about racism, and it was really interesting. Everything started with one black boy feeling offended by a white man making small talk with him and asking if he was a basketball player. This boy felt like the man assumed that because he was a young black male, he must play basketball. He handled it well, though, telling the man about the biology camp, and the man replied that he was part of a group there for a 3-on-3 basketball tournament, and had seen this boy with his two friends.
This boy told the other students and the two teacher/mentors about it. The first teacher, a white man who relates really well to the students, tried to explain to the boy that while it was perfectly possible that the man did make a racist assumption, there were other options. The man could have been thinking of the circumstances (a high school 3-on-3 tournament going on, seeing him in a group of 3 high school boys), or simply not thinking much (maybe he had basketball on the brain?). The teacher wasn't saying that the man absolutely was not being racist, because the teacher couldn't know, obviously... the teacher just wanted to make the point that the man might not have intended his comment in a racist fashion at all.
This makes a lot of sense to me. In my opinion, if a person of one race assumes that a person of another race is being racist... then that person is being racist. That's confusing, so let me try again. If Blue Guy assumes that Red Guy's comment or action is racist just because Red Guy happens to be Red, then Blue Guy is actually being racist against Red Guys. It's still kind of confusing, but maybe a bit better?
The other teacher disagreed entirely. She, a black woman, was quite adamant that if a black person gives the benefit of the doubt to a white person who said a questionably racist comment, that black person is failing to fight racism and failing to stand up for their race. I have a big problem with that, because she was essentially saying that people should assume the worst intent. Apparently a tactful inquiry into the person's action/comment is absolutely not even an option. Making an ignorant assumption is much better, in her opinion.
I'm not trying to say racism doesn't exist or shouldn't be acknowledged when it does occur; I'm also not trying to say I know what it feels like to be stereotyped in the same manner as a black person. But I feel like racism is only propogated by behavior like that. I don't think the racism of the past or present should be "gotten over" or forgotten-- but I also don't think that dwelling helps things. It's important to learn from what happened before and then to apply it to what's happening now to make things better. And, in my opinion, making assumptions about someone else rarely makes anything better. I mean, we all know how the word "assume" breaks down.
An example of this type of assumption... as the student group was leaving the restaurant where they had this loud and boisterous racism discussion, an older white man with a Vietnam veteran's hat stopped the white teacher. He asked the teacher if this was a rap group, and the teacher was at first somewhat taken aback. He corrected the guy, explaining about the science camp, and said something about the man making an assumption that a group of mostly young black students would be a rap group... and now the older man seemed surprised. "Oh, no, that's not what I meant!" he said. "I was talking about a WRAP group, like in the Vietnam era." Apparently in that time, it was popular for groups of students to get together and discuss issues and opinions, much like the science group had done that night. It made perfect sense, and the man didn't at all mean to be racist, even though initially it certainly sounded like he was stereotyping.
It was an interesting ending to the evening, to say the least. The incident with the older man just showed that misunderstandings are not only possible, but happen. It's all really intriguing to me, mainly because I've rarely felt the pressure of any stereotype against me. But I'm definitely glad for the opportunity to spend time with intelligent people and peers who can try to fill me in and teach me and tell me what they've experienced. I feel like my job is teaching me a lot of unexpected things. Guess that's just another one of the perks. :)
Saturday, May 27, 2006
but lately it's been screamin' in my ear
Te odio, Best Buy!
For Christmas in '04, I received a Sony CyberShot digital camera with a four-year service plan from Best Buy in case something broke, so that I would hopefully have a working camera for 4 years. I then purchased a 256 mb Sony MemoryStickPRO to use with it.
Recently, this camera started acting up. The lens wouldn't open; instead, I could hear a nasty grinding sound. I took the camera in to Best Buy and they sent it out for service. A few weeks later, the verdict was that the camera was "junked out" by service because it would cost $175 to repair, which meant, I thought, that I was entitled to a product of equal or lesser value.
But apparently, the "product" part isn't true.
Best Buy will only give me $100 towards a new camera because Sony had an additional $50 rebate at the time my mom paid $150. That would be fine, except that they don't even have any cameras for less than $129.99. They don't have any cameras that use the Sony MemoryStickPRO other than one for $199.99, either, so with any camera besides that one, I would also have the cost of a new memory card.
So, without paying a minimum of $50 (difference of camera plus the cheapest memory card at the moment), I don't have a camera. And if I wanted the service plan again, even though there is at least 2.5 years left on the one I purchased for my old camera, I'd have to buy a new service plan altogether.
Part of me is annoyed with how this went down, and really doesn't want to get another camera from Best Buy because of the way they handled this. So, a salesperson told us he thought we'd be able to get store credit so that I could just use the $100 on other random stuff I wanted at Best Buy, and go elsewhere for a camera if I decided to. We asked at customer service, and found out that we can't even get store credit- that $100 absolutely has to go towards another camera within the rest of my 4-year service plan, or I can't use it at all.
Grrrr. I'm mad. We spent about 2 hours in there, first looking at Sony cameras thinking I'd have $150 to spend towards one, finding out I'd probably have to get a new memory card and looking at all cameras, then being told I'd only have $100, then looking at cameras again, and then being told I couldn't get store credit. Also add in some waiting for people to wait on us.
It is just frustrating to me that they won't give me at least enough money to get a camera. I could understand if they'd give me $129.99, the cost of the cheapest camera, and tell me that if I wished to upgrade to any other camera, I'd have to pay more. But it bothers me that because all they carry now are, at the very least, 4 megapixel cameras (even online), I can't get *any* camera. I understand that I will be getting a better camera, at least megapixel-wise, with anything at their store (mine was a 3.2). But mine was fine- I could use the pictures as a desktop background without them being blurry! I don't need more megapixels. If they had a 3.2 megapixel camera, I would take it. I'm not trying to screw them over and get a way better camera. I just want some kind of camera that works, and, if at all possible, one that doesn't require I spend another $20-50 on a new memory card when I have one that works just fine. Wanting a camera that works is why I got the service plan, and the service plan is only saving me $60 ($40 was paid for the service plan in the first place); it's not getting me a camera that works.
Grrrrrr. I miss my camera. :(
For Christmas in '04, I received a Sony CyberShot digital camera with a four-year service plan from Best Buy in case something broke, so that I would hopefully have a working camera for 4 years. I then purchased a 256 mb Sony MemoryStickPRO to use with it.
Recently, this camera started acting up. The lens wouldn't open; instead, I could hear a nasty grinding sound. I took the camera in to Best Buy and they sent it out for service. A few weeks later, the verdict was that the camera was "junked out" by service because it would cost $175 to repair, which meant, I thought, that I was entitled to a product of equal or lesser value.
But apparently, the "product" part isn't true.
Best Buy will only give me $100 towards a new camera because Sony had an additional $50 rebate at the time my mom paid $150. That would be fine, except that they don't even have any cameras for less than $129.99. They don't have any cameras that use the Sony MemoryStickPRO other than one for $199.99, either, so with any camera besides that one, I would also have the cost of a new memory card.
So, without paying a minimum of $50 (difference of camera plus the cheapest memory card at the moment), I don't have a camera. And if I wanted the service plan again, even though there is at least 2.5 years left on the one I purchased for my old camera, I'd have to buy a new service plan altogether.
Part of me is annoyed with how this went down, and really doesn't want to get another camera from Best Buy because of the way they handled this. So, a salesperson told us he thought we'd be able to get store credit so that I could just use the $100 on other random stuff I wanted at Best Buy, and go elsewhere for a camera if I decided to. We asked at customer service, and found out that we can't even get store credit- that $100 absolutely has to go towards another camera within the rest of my 4-year service plan, or I can't use it at all.
Grrrr. I'm mad. We spent about 2 hours in there, first looking at Sony cameras thinking I'd have $150 to spend towards one, finding out I'd probably have to get a new memory card and looking at all cameras, then being told I'd only have $100, then looking at cameras again, and then being told I couldn't get store credit. Also add in some waiting for people to wait on us.
It is just frustrating to me that they won't give me at least enough money to get a camera. I could understand if they'd give me $129.99, the cost of the cheapest camera, and tell me that if I wished to upgrade to any other camera, I'd have to pay more. But it bothers me that because all they carry now are, at the very least, 4 megapixel cameras (even online), I can't get *any* camera. I understand that I will be getting a better camera, at least megapixel-wise, with anything at their store (mine was a 3.2). But mine was fine- I could use the pictures as a desktop background without them being blurry! I don't need more megapixels. If they had a 3.2 megapixel camera, I would take it. I'm not trying to screw them over and get a way better camera. I just want some kind of camera that works, and, if at all possible, one that doesn't require I spend another $20-50 on a new memory card when I have one that works just fine. Wanting a camera that works is why I got the service plan, and the service plan is only saving me $60 ($40 was paid for the service plan in the first place); it's not getting me a camera that works.
Grrrrrr. I miss my camera. :(
Thursday, May 25, 2006
moilerbakers
Tonight I remembered a cute little thing my cousin said the last time we visited. He's 6, but will be 7 in July. That makes him a first grader for a couple more days.
Logan's adorable. Sometimes a bit bratty, but for the most part he's a good kid. And he really, really enjoys hanging out with me. Whenever we visit, he wants to spend every second with me. I miss him a lot, but it's probably good that I don't see him too often- that way, when we do, we have fun and I rarely get annoyed by him. Besides, he completely wears me out. For the most part, he's really growing up, but he still says and does some really funny things. I think this is my favorite:
My aunt cooked dinner, and one of the sides was tater tots. As we loaded up our plates with yummy food, my aunt asked Logan what kind of potatoes we were eating. He confidently replied, "Tater-totters." Aww. :)
Logan's adorable. Sometimes a bit bratty, but for the most part he's a good kid. And he really, really enjoys hanging out with me. Whenever we visit, he wants to spend every second with me. I miss him a lot, but it's probably good that I don't see him too often- that way, when we do, we have fun and I rarely get annoyed by him. Besides, he completely wears me out. For the most part, he's really growing up, but he still says and does some really funny things. I think this is my favorite:
My aunt cooked dinner, and one of the sides was tater tots. As we loaded up our plates with yummy food, my aunt asked Logan what kind of potatoes we were eating. He confidently replied, "Tater-totters." Aww. :)
Sunday, May 21, 2006
rabiebabies
When people tell me they've never heard of "Misty of Chincoteague," it makes me want to cry. Misty was one of my very favorite books when I was younger- and one of the many, many horse books I've read over the years.
I'm not sure how I became interested in horses, but it probably had something to do with my animal-loving mom (see about two entries ago). She passed down some of her favorite horse books, her Barbie horses, and a love of the animal. While my obsession waned, I still love riding horses and would love to own one someday.
Today, I watched the Preakness Stakes. Most people know of the Kentucky Derby, and fewer know of the Triple Crown- a most famous and difficult trio of horse races beginning with the Derby and continuing with the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes. Only eleven horses in the history of these three huge races have ever won all three in the same year. It's difficult to do because the three are within the same five weeks, held in three different states, and are three very different lengths. Most horses are better at shorter or longer races, but the Triple Crown requires mastery of three very different lengths with little time between for rest or preparation. Since Affirmed in 1978, no horse has won all three legs of the Triple Crown. The fame awaiting the next Triple Crown champion is great, and the money awaiting the owners and jockey are probably much greater. The Triple Crown champion himself, then, will probably retire to a comfortable stall, asked for little but occasional performance as a stallion (...that means sex). Not a bad life, to be sure, but the Triple Crown has proven elusive for the quickest thoroughbreds for longer than my lifetime.
Each year, horse fans like me (who may not even have a particular interest in horse racing) tune in for the big races of the Triple Crown and follow the Derby winner to the Preakness with high hopes. When a horse wins both the Derby and Preakness (I believe the most recent example was 2002's War Emblem), the hype increases considerably.
This year's Derby winner, Barbaro, was the favorite today at the Preakness. He hadn't ever lost a race, and his trainers had prepared him somewhat unconventionally before the Derby, which apparently paid off. He had broken away from the pack in a Derby which was expected to be a close race on all accounts. Barbaro was expected to do well at the Preakness, and some even speculated at his chances for the Crown.
After nearly all of the horses were loaded into the gates, Barbaro broke out of his early. His jockey struggled to slow him, and they led him around to re-enter the gate. Perhaps he was a bit too raring to go. In any case, the race started soon thereafter and Barbaro bolted from the gate with the other horses. He was in good position when suddenly he appeared to step down wrong on one of his hind legs. Soon, it was obvious that he was trying to gallop on only three legs, struggling to keep his balance while his jockey steered him to the side of the track. Veterinarians rushed in as Barbaro stopped and held his right hind leg in the air, something obviously very wrong. Once the race finished, an equine ambulance carried him off the track, and he headed to a world-class medical facility for horses where he was diagnosed with a career-ending and potentially life-threatening double leg fracture (both above and below the ankle). Broken legs are extremely dangerous injuries for horses- much more so than for humans.
I guess I just wanted to write about this because it made me really sad to see it (Barbaro was in obvious pain), and I really hope he's okay. I'll definitely be praying that his surgery goes well.
I'm not sure how I became interested in horses, but it probably had something to do with my animal-loving mom (see about two entries ago). She passed down some of her favorite horse books, her Barbie horses, and a love of the animal. While my obsession waned, I still love riding horses and would love to own one someday.
Today, I watched the Preakness Stakes. Most people know of the Kentucky Derby, and fewer know of the Triple Crown- a most famous and difficult trio of horse races beginning with the Derby and continuing with the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes. Only eleven horses in the history of these three huge races have ever won all three in the same year. It's difficult to do because the three are within the same five weeks, held in three different states, and are three very different lengths. Most horses are better at shorter or longer races, but the Triple Crown requires mastery of three very different lengths with little time between for rest or preparation. Since Affirmed in 1978, no horse has won all three legs of the Triple Crown. The fame awaiting the next Triple Crown champion is great, and the money awaiting the owners and jockey are probably much greater. The Triple Crown champion himself, then, will probably retire to a comfortable stall, asked for little but occasional performance as a stallion (...that means sex). Not a bad life, to be sure, but the Triple Crown has proven elusive for the quickest thoroughbreds for longer than my lifetime.
Each year, horse fans like me (who may not even have a particular interest in horse racing) tune in for the big races of the Triple Crown and follow the Derby winner to the Preakness with high hopes. When a horse wins both the Derby and Preakness (I believe the most recent example was 2002's War Emblem), the hype increases considerably.
This year's Derby winner, Barbaro, was the favorite today at the Preakness. He hadn't ever lost a race, and his trainers had prepared him somewhat unconventionally before the Derby, which apparently paid off. He had broken away from the pack in a Derby which was expected to be a close race on all accounts. Barbaro was expected to do well at the Preakness, and some even speculated at his chances for the Crown.
After nearly all of the horses were loaded into the gates, Barbaro broke out of his early. His jockey struggled to slow him, and they led him around to re-enter the gate. Perhaps he was a bit too raring to go. In any case, the race started soon thereafter and Barbaro bolted from the gate with the other horses. He was in good position when suddenly he appeared to step down wrong on one of his hind legs. Soon, it was obvious that he was trying to gallop on only three legs, struggling to keep his balance while his jockey steered him to the side of the track. Veterinarians rushed in as Barbaro stopped and held his right hind leg in the air, something obviously very wrong. Once the race finished, an equine ambulance carried him off the track, and he headed to a world-class medical facility for horses where he was diagnosed with a career-ending and potentially life-threatening double leg fracture (both above and below the ankle). Broken legs are extremely dangerous injuries for horses- much more so than for humans.
I guess I just wanted to write about this because it made me really sad to see it (Barbaro was in obvious pain), and I really hope he's okay. I'll definitely be praying that his surgery goes well.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Foreverwood
I like TV, but I'm not obsessed with it. I have a few shows that I try to watch every week, but no more than 2, usually... besides that, I watch TV sporadically- when I'm bored, doing something else at the same time, forced to be in a room with little else to do (such as when watching the puppy), or when someone else in my family or my roommate decides to watch. I do watch a fair amount of movies on television, and there are a few sitcoms I'll enjoy if they're already on, but for the most part... I watch a couple of shows.
I've already talked about America's Next Top Model (I missed the series finale, dang it... I was on my way home and forgot entirely that it was Wednesday night). This show is currently on UPN. My other favorite show- my very favorite- is Everwood. This show is currently on the WB.
For those of you who haven't heard, these two networks- UPN and the WB- have merged to create the CW. The CW's schedule recently came out, and while many favorite shows- including Top Model, Veronica Mars, Smallville, and One Tree Hill- have returned, Everwood is strangely missing from the schedule. Even 7th Heaven- which had its series finale last week, has somehow returned for another season.
I started watching Everwood three years ago because I watched 7th Heaven and Everwood came on right afterwards. I missed the first season, but started watching at the beginning of the second season and got hooked. (Plus, 7th Heaven started to really suck- somehow half of the plot had nothing to do with actual family members and everything became predictable and cheesy and downright ridiculous.) I received the first season of Everwood on DVD for Christmas, so I've now seen all 4 seasons of Everwood and stopped watching 7th Heaven all together.
Why, you might ask, do I like this show so much? Well, this critically acclaimed series covers many important issues, but often chooses to focus an entire plotline spanning a few episodes at least on the issues, rather than glossing over them in a single episode. Better yet, the show will often present more than one view of an issue, rather than forcing one opinion on viewers. There are some really big but very realistic problems facing the characters. I can't tell you how many times I've cried because they hit the sudden-loss-of-a-parent nail right on the head. One of the main characters had to struggle with finding out he was a parent. Sometimes things are dramatized, to be sure; there aren't that many high school girls who lose their boyfriend to a coma and then for good in a later surgery. In most episodes, though, there is very much a sense of realism. None of the characters are impossibly rich (or at least show it); Everwood is a small, conservative town. The focus is not just on teenagers, but on adults and sometimes children as well. There is still plenty of relationship drama and, of course, most of the characters are good-looking, but overall the show feels more mature than most dramas out there, especially on the WB.
Besides the issues it brings up, Everwood has plenty of entertainment to bring to the table. The two doctors have abounding quick wit and sarcasm, while Bright makes ironically dumb comments in nearly every episode. Some couples in the show seem to 'fit' together and you almost can't help but root for them to get together. I'm not sure the cinematography could be ugly; the town of "Everwood" is in the mountains of Colorado (actually, it's filmed in Utah), and the scenery is gorgeous. The music, similarly, is outstanding- often poignant and fitting for the situation besides being enjoyable. There's also lots of beautiful piano music (Ephram, one of the main characters, is a piano virtuoso who at one point was attempting to audition at Julliard). There are a few things that make the series a little more multicultural, too, despite the mostly white conservative town- the Brown family is Jewish, and Edna and Irv are a biracial couple. Both of these are rarities in television. Basically, though, Everwood has made me laugh and made me cry; it's entertaining television with engaging characters and thought-provoking plots that keep me coming back week after week to watch it.
Four more weeks, though, and I may have to resort to watching my Season 1 DVD's over and over (I would watch the other seasons as well, but they haven't been released). I understand that some shows have to be cancelled, but I have a few beefs with this show in particular being cancelled.
1) The show has traditionally had low ratings, despite critics loving it. But somehow, instead of aggressive marketing or placing the show in a less competitive timeframe, Everwood has had to fight for viewers with popular shows like 24 and (I believe) The O.C. Is this really giving the show a fair shot?
2) In a recent interview with Dawn Ostroff, president of the CW network, Michael Ausiello of TVguide asked about the connection between 7th Heaven's return and Everwood's lack thereof:
Ausiello: One of the theories going around is that the moment you decided to bring 7th Heaven back, Everwood died.
Ostroff: (Crickets) It was, you know... It really came down to those two shows. It was such a tough call...
Ausiello: I hear the decision to renew Heaven was made after the ratings for the finale came in. True?
Ostroff: It [drew] over 7 million people. It's hard to ignore that.
So, it came down to Everwood, or 7th Heaven, which just had its series finale. It bothers me that Everwood is being compared to the series finale ratings of a show that had been running for a decade. Of COURSE lots of people tuned in to see how they tied up loose ends on 7th Heaven. I nearly did, and I haven't watched the show in the last few years. More people always watch a series finale... just because 7 million people watched the series finale doesn't mean 7 million people are going to watch 7th Heaven next year.
3) Ausiello: No, I'm talking about leaving Everwood where it is at 9 pm after 7th Heaven.
Ostroff: We wanted to put a new show on the air and Runaway is a really good show. We couldn't have the whole schedule of returning shows.
Okay, because leaving Everwood there means an entire schedule of returning shows. I don't even understand why that's a problem. If you're going to have to draw people into a new network, I would think it'd be easier to keep shows with a dedicated following...
Basically, I'm just frustrated. Everwood isn't a soap opera of spoiled rich kids in the sun... it's different. It's one of only two shows that I really really try to watch every week. And now, because of some politics and a show (that's already been on long past its prime) being continued again, this is its last season. Rawr. I think I'm going to find this Dawn lady's address and write to her, because I am not happy, and most of her reasoning in her interview with Ausiello (here, if you scroll down) made me even angrier. Shows that I feel shouldn't have been renewed were brought back to fill in precious space over Everwood, and I don't think the WB has ever done much to fight for viewers for Everwood... so I'm *quite* angry. I wish there was more that I could do to save my favorite show. :-
*edit*
To make me even angrier, Everwood was previously on the schedule and even had a space on the CW's website. Grr!
I've already talked about America's Next Top Model (I missed the series finale, dang it... I was on my way home and forgot entirely that it was Wednesday night). This show is currently on UPN. My other favorite show- my very favorite- is Everwood. This show is currently on the WB.
For those of you who haven't heard, these two networks- UPN and the WB- have merged to create the CW. The CW's schedule recently came out, and while many favorite shows- including Top Model, Veronica Mars, Smallville, and One Tree Hill- have returned, Everwood is strangely missing from the schedule. Even 7th Heaven- which had its series finale last week, has somehow returned for another season.
I started watching Everwood three years ago because I watched 7th Heaven and Everwood came on right afterwards. I missed the first season, but started watching at the beginning of the second season and got hooked. (Plus, 7th Heaven started to really suck- somehow half of the plot had nothing to do with actual family members and everything became predictable and cheesy and downright ridiculous.) I received the first season of Everwood on DVD for Christmas, so I've now seen all 4 seasons of Everwood and stopped watching 7th Heaven all together.
Why, you might ask, do I like this show so much? Well, this critically acclaimed series covers many important issues, but often chooses to focus an entire plotline spanning a few episodes at least on the issues, rather than glossing over them in a single episode. Better yet, the show will often present more than one view of an issue, rather than forcing one opinion on viewers. There are some really big but very realistic problems facing the characters. I can't tell you how many times I've cried because they hit the sudden-loss-of-a-parent nail right on the head. One of the main characters had to struggle with finding out he was a parent. Sometimes things are dramatized, to be sure; there aren't that many high school girls who lose their boyfriend to a coma and then for good in a later surgery. In most episodes, though, there is very much a sense of realism. None of the characters are impossibly rich (or at least show it); Everwood is a small, conservative town. The focus is not just on teenagers, but on adults and sometimes children as well. There is still plenty of relationship drama and, of course, most of the characters are good-looking, but overall the show feels more mature than most dramas out there, especially on the WB.
Besides the issues it brings up, Everwood has plenty of entertainment to bring to the table. The two doctors have abounding quick wit and sarcasm, while Bright makes ironically dumb comments in nearly every episode. Some couples in the show seem to 'fit' together and you almost can't help but root for them to get together. I'm not sure the cinematography could be ugly; the town of "Everwood" is in the mountains of Colorado (actually, it's filmed in Utah), and the scenery is gorgeous. The music, similarly, is outstanding- often poignant and fitting for the situation besides being enjoyable. There's also lots of beautiful piano music (Ephram, one of the main characters, is a piano virtuoso who at one point was attempting to audition at Julliard). There are a few things that make the series a little more multicultural, too, despite the mostly white conservative town- the Brown family is Jewish, and Edna and Irv are a biracial couple. Both of these are rarities in television. Basically, though, Everwood has made me laugh and made me cry; it's entertaining television with engaging characters and thought-provoking plots that keep me coming back week after week to watch it.
Four more weeks, though, and I may have to resort to watching my Season 1 DVD's over and over (I would watch the other seasons as well, but they haven't been released). I understand that some shows have to be cancelled, but I have a few beefs with this show in particular being cancelled.
1) The show has traditionally had low ratings, despite critics loving it. But somehow, instead of aggressive marketing or placing the show in a less competitive timeframe, Everwood has had to fight for viewers with popular shows like 24 and (I believe) The O.C. Is this really giving the show a fair shot?
2) In a recent interview with Dawn Ostroff, president of the CW network, Michael Ausiello of TVguide asked about the connection between 7th Heaven's return and Everwood's lack thereof:
Ausiello: One of the theories going around is that the moment you decided to bring 7th Heaven back, Everwood died.
Ostroff: (Crickets) It was, you know... It really came down to those two shows. It was such a tough call...
Ausiello: I hear the decision to renew Heaven was made after the ratings for the finale came in. True?
Ostroff: It [drew] over 7 million people. It's hard to ignore that.
So, it came down to Everwood, or 7th Heaven, which just had its series finale. It bothers me that Everwood is being compared to the series finale ratings of a show that had been running for a decade. Of COURSE lots of people tuned in to see how they tied up loose ends on 7th Heaven. I nearly did, and I haven't watched the show in the last few years. More people always watch a series finale... just because 7 million people watched the series finale doesn't mean 7 million people are going to watch 7th Heaven next year.
3) Ausiello: No, I'm talking about leaving Everwood where it is at 9 pm after 7th Heaven.
Ostroff: We wanted to put a new show on the air and Runaway is a really good show. We couldn't have the whole schedule of returning shows.
Okay, because leaving Everwood there means an entire schedule of returning shows. I don't even understand why that's a problem. If you're going to have to draw people into a new network, I would think it'd be easier to keep shows with a dedicated following...
Basically, I'm just frustrated. Everwood isn't a soap opera of spoiled rich kids in the sun... it's different. It's one of only two shows that I really really try to watch every week. And now, because of some politics and a show (that's already been on long past its prime) being continued again, this is its last season. Rawr. I think I'm going to find this Dawn lady's address and write to her, because I am not happy, and most of her reasoning in her interview with Ausiello (here, if you scroll down) made me even angrier. Shows that I feel shouldn't have been renewed were brought back to fill in precious space over Everwood, and I don't think the WB has ever done much to fight for viewers for Everwood... so I'm *quite* angry. I wish there was more that I could do to save my favorite show. :-
*edit*
To make me even angrier, Everwood was previously on the schedule and even had a space on the CW's website. Grr!
Friday, May 12, 2006
MikeY!
MikeY!
Originally uploaded by JW05.
Most of you who read this will already know the story, but I felt like writing it out again. :)
Recently, the humane society in my town had this puppy on their website. He had entropion, a condition in which the eyelides roll under and irritate the eye constantly, so he barely held them open, his eyes were constantly gunky, and he would eventually become blind without surgery. This surgery was estimated to cost anywhere from $500 to 1000, and my mom was worried no one would take him, knowing he'd cost so much up front.
My mother has always been an animal lover. It's rare to find a picture of her as a child without some kind of animal in her arms. The only baby animals we've ever had around were Mama's kittens, because Mama wasn't even our cat. All of our animals are promptly spayed or neutered so we don't contribute to the already-too-large pet population. All of the animals I can remember having we have either found or rescued. We aren't really cat people, but we've somehow ended up with 2 cats now. My mom likes cocker spaniels, but we have two dogs that are not one bit spaniel. We've had dogs, cats, a rabbit, frogs, snakes, turtles, guinea pigs, fish... quite the menagerie over the years. And almost all of them have needed homes.
Mom went to go see Mikey, and he's got a really sweet personality. The receptionists said no one had shown interest in him, and he'd been there about a month already. Even though 3/4 of our family are currently full-time college students (and the other probably will be in 3 years), Mom decided that she wanted Mikey. She picked him up almost two weeks ago and scheduled his surgery for last Wednesday. The surgery was on the low end of the estimate, and appears to have gone really well. He's as sweet as ever, and holds his eyes open most of the time now.
My brother- always one to argue- was completely against getting Mikey. He kept trying to convince my mom of the many reasons that we didn't need this dog.
And when she finally got a word in edgewise, my mom agreed with him. We didn't need Mikey-- but he needed us.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
taco bell has the best kids meal toys
I took a little survey today on AIM about favorite soda/pop/soda pop, and heeeere are the results! (haha.)
Cody: Vault...it's addictive
Mandy: Mt. Dew or jones soda. :D I love you.
Gwen: root beer
Andy: At one of the discount grocery stores in Fort Wayne, they have a version of Dr. Pepper so generic that it's called "Dr. Soda", and sold one can at a time off the shelf
Benji: I love mountain dew and mug rootbeer (and I typically say pop out of habit but by no means do I consider one more appropriate than the other since the true term is soda pop)
Ryan: Mt. Dew (Pepsi) and Cherry Coke (Coca-Cola)
So, Mountain Dew, as expected, took the lead... root beer, however, surprised its way into second place.
And while I'm on the topic, my personal favorites change all the time, but Barq's Red Cream Soda, Cherry Coke, Jones Soda (green apple and fufu berry), Sprite, Orange Fanta, and any kind of grape soda (especially Grapette!). But I like Mountain Dew and root beer, too.
This is such a random entry. Hahaha. :) While I'm being random, this is hilarious, as are most of the gags on that site. Have a nice day!
Cody: Vault...it's addictive
Mandy: Mt. Dew or jones soda. :D I love you.
Gwen: root beer
Andy: At one of the discount grocery stores in Fort Wayne, they have a version of Dr. Pepper so generic that it's called "Dr. Soda", and sold one can at a time off the shelf
Benji: I love mountain dew and mug rootbeer (and I typically say pop out of habit but by no means do I consider one more appropriate than the other since the true term is soda pop)
Ryan: Mt. Dew (Pepsi) and Cherry Coke (Coca-Cola)
So, Mountain Dew, as expected, took the lead... root beer, however, surprised its way into second place.
And while I'm on the topic, my personal favorites change all the time, but Barq's Red Cream Soda, Cherry Coke, Jones Soda (green apple and fufu berry), Sprite, Orange Fanta, and any kind of grape soda (especially Grapette!). But I like Mountain Dew and root beer, too.
This is such a random entry. Hahaha. :) While I'm being random, this is hilarious, as are most of the gags on that site. Have a nice day!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
hula hoop
I was online today and suddenly got an IM from a guy that was in marching band with me for a year or two. I don't really know him; he's pretty good friends with some of my friends, but for the most part he's just an acquaintance. He was never in my section in marching band, and to be honest I've really only talked to him a handful of times.
W: this might seem lame.. but I am honestly tired of being a regular marching band... I'm not expecting any major differences because it takes everyone just not a handful of people to do that.. But I remember when you are section leader that you made everything really organized for you section *as well as others* and people respected you..
W: and tips or advice?
He typed this, and I just kind of sat there for a minute. Sure, there were a couple of grammar mistakes... but wow, hearing from someone who wasn't even in my section or group of friends that he saw me as a respected and good section leader made me feel really good.
For those of you that don't know me (in case there's actually someone random reading this), I started band the summer before fifth grade playing the french horn. In 9th grade, I opted to try marching band because they told us we had to march one season before we could *just* be in concert band. I didn't think I wanted to march- didn't really see the point- but I agreed to do the mandatory season because I wanted to stay in concert band.
As it turned out, by my senior year, I was marching my fourth season as mellophone section leader and band council president. A lot of what I love about marching is the feeling of teamwork you end up with. Sure, the practices can be long... and hot... and tiring. Sure, the competitions take up all Saturday, every Saturday. Sure, you'll probably get yelled at at least once during the season. But when the competition comes along and you perform the show- with each person doing their own individual part that amazingly fits in with everyone else's individual parts- there's an amazing feeling of unity. All the hard work you've put in somehow becomes worth it when the group performs an exhilarating show.
I was proud to become a leader of our band. Indiana has some very good marching bands, many of which routinely place high in national competitions. When our band traveled to Ohio, we were grand champions (two years in a row, I believe)... in our own state, we very rarely won. Still, I felt it was an organization I could be proud to be in. We worked hard, but we also had fun. We were willing to try something different and do a 'weird' or innovative show. We had much less money than many of our competitors, and because the classes were divided on school size and not band size, some of our competitors were two or three times bigger than us in size (and therefore had the capacity to be *much* louder). And while I was in the band, there were many really good student leaders for me to look up to (usually, they were older, but not always), and when I became a leader, I tried my best to learn from them because I really, really respected them.
I miss band-- but even though I certainly enjoy playing the french horn, that's not what I miss most. What I really miss is that feeling of unity, the people, and the camaraderie of the group. We'd been through a lot together, and most of my best friends in high school were either members of band and/or drama (another group that I often spent enough time with to develop an extremely close-knit relationship).
I felt like I put a lot into the band while I was in it. It becomes like a family, in many ways, and this year it felt strange but good to go back and visit the band (marching, concert, jazz, and winterguard- yes, I visited all of them). I was glad to be a leader, both of the mello section and the band council, but I really did give a lot of time and work to the band. I'm not completely satisfied with my leadership roles; here arte a lot of things I wish I would've done better. But I still feel like I invested a lot of time and effort.
Damn, I started writing with the intention of explaining just how good it felt for someone to have not only noticed, but to have remembered me as a good leader. To be honest, though, now that I'm writing, I'm not sure I can really put it into words. It's not that I became a leader or tried to be a good example to others because I wanted someone to tell me I did a good job, but hearing that someone who didn't even know me thought that- and a year and a half later when he wants to be a good leader asks me for advice- it just feels absolutely amazing. I feel appreciated, and proud, and like I actually made a difference to an organization that meant- and still means- a lot to me. I know it's just one person, but I also know how I felt about some of the leaders I looked up to. And to think that someone might look at me that way is one of the best compliments I could ever receive.
I only hope I can make that kind of impact again sometime.
W: this might seem lame.. but I am honestly tired of being a regular marching band... I'm not expecting any major differences because it takes everyone just not a handful of people to do that.. But I remember when you are section leader that you made everything really organized for you section *as well as others* and people respected you..
W: and tips or advice?
He typed this, and I just kind of sat there for a minute. Sure, there were a couple of grammar mistakes... but wow, hearing from someone who wasn't even in my section or group of friends that he saw me as a respected and good section leader made me feel really good.
For those of you that don't know me (in case there's actually someone random reading this), I started band the summer before fifth grade playing the french horn. In 9th grade, I opted to try marching band because they told us we had to march one season before we could *just* be in concert band. I didn't think I wanted to march- didn't really see the point- but I agreed to do the mandatory season because I wanted to stay in concert band.
As it turned out, by my senior year, I was marching my fourth season as mellophone section leader and band council president. A lot of what I love about marching is the feeling of teamwork you end up with. Sure, the practices can be long... and hot... and tiring. Sure, the competitions take up all Saturday, every Saturday. Sure, you'll probably get yelled at at least once during the season. But when the competition comes along and you perform the show- with each person doing their own individual part that amazingly fits in with everyone else's individual parts- there's an amazing feeling of unity. All the hard work you've put in somehow becomes worth it when the group performs an exhilarating show.
I was proud to become a leader of our band. Indiana has some very good marching bands, many of which routinely place high in national competitions. When our band traveled to Ohio, we were grand champions (two years in a row, I believe)... in our own state, we very rarely won. Still, I felt it was an organization I could be proud to be in. We worked hard, but we also had fun. We were willing to try something different and do a 'weird' or innovative show. We had much less money than many of our competitors, and because the classes were divided on school size and not band size, some of our competitors were two or three times bigger than us in size (and therefore had the capacity to be *much* louder). And while I was in the band, there were many really good student leaders for me to look up to (usually, they were older, but not always), and when I became a leader, I tried my best to learn from them because I really, really respected them.
I miss band-- but even though I certainly enjoy playing the french horn, that's not what I miss most. What I really miss is that feeling of unity, the people, and the camaraderie of the group. We'd been through a lot together, and most of my best friends in high school were either members of band and/or drama (another group that I often spent enough time with to develop an extremely close-knit relationship).
I felt like I put a lot into the band while I was in it. It becomes like a family, in many ways, and this year it felt strange but good to go back and visit the band (marching, concert, jazz, and winterguard- yes, I visited all of them). I was glad to be a leader, both of the mello section and the band council, but I really did give a lot of time and work to the band. I'm not completely satisfied with my leadership roles; here arte a lot of things I wish I would've done better. But I still feel like I invested a lot of time and effort.
Damn, I started writing with the intention of explaining just how good it felt for someone to have not only noticed, but to have remembered me as a good leader. To be honest, though, now that I'm writing, I'm not sure I can really put it into words. It's not that I became a leader or tried to be a good example to others because I wanted someone to tell me I did a good job, but hearing that someone who didn't even know me thought that- and a year and a half later when he wants to be a good leader asks me for advice- it just feels absolutely amazing. I feel appreciated, and proud, and like I actually made a difference to an organization that meant- and still means- a lot to me. I know it's just one person, but I also know how I felt about some of the leaders I looked up to. And to think that someone might look at me that way is one of the best compliments I could ever receive.
I only hope I can make that kind of impact again sometime.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
proportionable
Somehow, I've pretty much escaped our nation's obsession with reality shows... with one major exception.
America's Next Top Model.
If someone would've told me I would love this show, I probably would've laughed in their face. But at some point, I caught an episode of this show and really enjoyed it.
In case it's not obvious, the point of the show: Tyra Banks and her posse of judges (currently 'noted fashion photographer' Nigel Barker [nice but blunt], 'fashion icon' Twiggy [she's so adorable and sweet], and 'runway diva' Miss J. Alexander [just plain weird]) pick out 13 contestants to compete for the opportunity to become 'America's Next Top Model.' The winner gets a contract with Ford Models, a $100,000 contract with CoverGirl and a fashion spread in Elle magazine, shot by world-renowned photographer Gilles Bensimon. The thirteen girls live together in a posh house, filmed constantly, and attend a photo shoot and some kind of challenge activity each week (they're usually related somehow). Each challenge produces a 'winner,' and the winner, sometimes along with a friend or two, gets some kind of prize (anything from a spa treatment by the other girls to a shopping spree to a surprise visit from a family member to a diamond necklace). Then, the photos from each photo shoot (or occasionally performances at a fashion show) are critiqued by the judges, and one girl is sent home each week (well, two the last week) until only one remains.
I think the strength of the show lies in its challenge. Most people think of modeling as a pretty girl dressing up nice and having professionals make them look great. Occasionally walking down a runway and spinning around a little. Maybe throwing up to stay skinny. But seriously-- few people give models much credit.
ANTM is interesting because it shows the aspects of all-around modeling. These girls can't just be pretty and walk down a runway; they have to have a signature walk and be good at spinning in heels and flowing skirts or maybe even while a cockroach crawls on them (one show this season involved jeweled cockroaches as accessories- yes, seriously). They can't just stand there and smile in a photo shoot; they have to know their angles, pose sitting on a block of ice in a thong, portray emotion, fight through the pain of being dangled nearly upside down by a tight harness, "crunk" dance, run on a treadmill in heels, walk the fine line between looking sexy and slutty, fall onto a mattress- any of a number of things- while still looking pretty. The girls also have to be personable and intelligent-sounding in an interview situation, look good in a paparazzi photo, and take harsh criticism. The girls have to both memorize and improvise lines and actions for a television commercial. ANTM looks for an all-around model- not just runway or print, but everything-- and that's hard.
Of course, as with any reality show, there's plenty of drama between the girls. (But, seriously, stick 13 girls in a house for a couple of days, even, and you're going to get drama.) Sure, there's also shameless product placement. But, for the most part, the show sticks to the modeling.
It's interesting to see the challenges of modeling and all that's involved with it, because most of us normally only see the finish product; and, as it's meant to, the final product makes everything look easy. I admit I was a little surprised to see just how difficult all-around modeling is-- but what surprised me even more?
How much fun modeling looks! I think that's what brings me back to the show week after week. I'll never be 5'7 and 120 pounds, but if I could... I think I would LOVE to try modeling. Or at least this show! Modeling is, of course, about looking pretty, but it's also about acting and making it believable... and it's also about looking and moving gracefully. As I watch, I see plenty of opportunities where dance and acting experience would help, and plenty of creative photo shoots that just make me want to try it. I wonder if I'd be any good- and, like I said, I'm not made to be a model... but to me, it's impressive that this show makes me want to try modeling, when it's never really been an interest of mine at all before.
Despite the fact this is the 6th 'cycle' of America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks and her cohorts seem to be coming up with countless innovative experiences and challenges for the models. The show is always interesting, and shows the challenges and fun of modeling but also incorporates typical reality show elements of drama between contestants and the competition/curiosity of weekly eliminations.
Addictive? Absolutely. I recommend watching it at least once (Tuesday nights on UPN are repeats, Wednesday nights on UPN are new episodes, and VH1 shows episodes of previous cycles all the time- sometimes in marathons)... who knows, you might like it as much as me. :)
PS-- For the record, I totally want Joanie to win.
America's Next Top Model.
If someone would've told me I would love this show, I probably would've laughed in their face. But at some point, I caught an episode of this show and really enjoyed it.
In case it's not obvious, the point of the show: Tyra Banks and her posse of judges (currently 'noted fashion photographer' Nigel Barker [nice but blunt], 'fashion icon' Twiggy [she's so adorable and sweet], and 'runway diva' Miss J. Alexander [just plain weird]) pick out 13 contestants to compete for the opportunity to become 'America's Next Top Model.' The winner gets a contract with Ford Models, a $100,000 contract with CoverGirl and a fashion spread in Elle magazine, shot by world-renowned photographer Gilles Bensimon. The thirteen girls live together in a posh house, filmed constantly, and attend a photo shoot and some kind of challenge activity each week (they're usually related somehow). Each challenge produces a 'winner,' and the winner, sometimes along with a friend or two, gets some kind of prize (anything from a spa treatment by the other girls to a shopping spree to a surprise visit from a family member to a diamond necklace). Then, the photos from each photo shoot (or occasionally performances at a fashion show) are critiqued by the judges, and one girl is sent home each week (well, two the last week) until only one remains.
I think the strength of the show lies in its challenge. Most people think of modeling as a pretty girl dressing up nice and having professionals make them look great. Occasionally walking down a runway and spinning around a little. Maybe throwing up to stay skinny. But seriously-- few people give models much credit.
ANTM is interesting because it shows the aspects of all-around modeling. These girls can't just be pretty and walk down a runway; they have to have a signature walk and be good at spinning in heels and flowing skirts or maybe even while a cockroach crawls on them (one show this season involved jeweled cockroaches as accessories- yes, seriously). They can't just stand there and smile in a photo shoot; they have to know their angles, pose sitting on a block of ice in a thong, portray emotion, fight through the pain of being dangled nearly upside down by a tight harness, "crunk" dance, run on a treadmill in heels, walk the fine line between looking sexy and slutty, fall onto a mattress- any of a number of things- while still looking pretty. The girls also have to be personable and intelligent-sounding in an interview situation, look good in a paparazzi photo, and take harsh criticism. The girls have to both memorize and improvise lines and actions for a television commercial. ANTM looks for an all-around model- not just runway or print, but everything-- and that's hard.
Of course, as with any reality show, there's plenty of drama between the girls. (But, seriously, stick 13 girls in a house for a couple of days, even, and you're going to get drama.) Sure, there's also shameless product placement. But, for the most part, the show sticks to the modeling.
It's interesting to see the challenges of modeling and all that's involved with it, because most of us normally only see the finish product; and, as it's meant to, the final product makes everything look easy. I admit I was a little surprised to see just how difficult all-around modeling is-- but what surprised me even more?
How much fun modeling looks! I think that's what brings me back to the show week after week. I'll never be 5'7 and 120 pounds, but if I could... I think I would LOVE to try modeling. Or at least this show! Modeling is, of course, about looking pretty, but it's also about acting and making it believable... and it's also about looking and moving gracefully. As I watch, I see plenty of opportunities where dance and acting experience would help, and plenty of creative photo shoots that just make me want to try it. I wonder if I'd be any good- and, like I said, I'm not made to be a model... but to me, it's impressive that this show makes me want to try modeling, when it's never really been an interest of mine at all before.
Despite the fact this is the 6th 'cycle' of America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks and her cohorts seem to be coming up with countless innovative experiences and challenges for the models. The show is always interesting, and shows the challenges and fun of modeling but also incorporates typical reality show elements of drama between contestants and the competition/curiosity of weekly eliminations.
Addictive? Absolutely. I recommend watching it at least once (Tuesday nights on UPN are repeats, Wednesday nights on UPN are new episodes, and VH1 shows episodes of previous cycles all the time- sometimes in marathons)... who knows, you might like it as much as me. :)
PS-- For the record, I totally want Joanie to win.
Monday, April 24, 2006
vault
I'm not sure where Boozer found this, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5184/2077/1600/need2readcdpic26777.jpg
"Hippo Eats Dwarf"-- and apparently it's entirely serious. This is almost like a *squoze* story, where you're not even sure you can believe that it really happened, but just the thought it might be is somehow terribly amusing, even though you feel a little bad for finding it funny.
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5184/2077/1600/need2readcdpic26777.jpg
"Hippo Eats Dwarf"-- and apparently it's entirely serious. This is almost like a *squoze* story, where you're not even sure you can believe that it really happened, but just the thought it might be is somehow terribly amusing, even though you feel a little bad for finding it funny.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
mustache and a mullet
I feel like writing, but none of the things I'm writing about my feelings seem to come out right tonight.
Instead, I have been inspired by this website to write about my view on designer purses/handbags/clutches/coin purses/etc. I realize some girls may think a post of this type is equivalent to treason, or something crazy like that, but I would much rather buy a bag from the website above than from Coach or Prada or any of the big designer names. I honestly don't understand the craze over designer purses.
Yes, I've been raised to be thrifty... bargain shopping runs in our family (last time my aunt came in town, she went with my grandma, mom, little cousin, and I on a Wal-Mart and dollar store run). I have a really hard time spending $40 on jeans, or $20 on a t-shirt. It's partially because I'm poor, but it's partially because Mom would rarely buy anything for me that wasn't on the clearance or sale rack. I'm not at all ashamed to go in a store and skip straight to the back of the section to check what's cheap; I'm proud when I find a really good deal. It's just how I've been raised, I suppose, and I think it's pretty smart. I'm never going to be a woman who goes out and blows a few hundred dollars in an afternoon on clothes or shoes, no matter how much money I have. I just can't do it.
This is probably a lot of the reason I can't picture myself buying a designer purse. Even if the purse is cute, I have a really hard time spending that much money on a purse. (Never mind the fact that I'm not huge on purses to begin with- I use one for a few months at a time, usually- it's never matched to my outfit or anything.) And with designer purses, I have an even harder time.
It's like shopping at Abercrombie or American Eagle or any store where the name is 'popular.' I hate that they can charge twice as much for the same piece of clothing I can buy at another store just because it has a certain name on it. There was a time I cared a little more about that, and I'm not going to say I don't own anything from either of those stores... but I can say that I have never paid full price for something from Abercrombie or American Eagle. And I'm proud of that simply because the prices are absurd, and not because they're better quality clothes (I'm not even going to go into the idiocy of paying more for less fabric).
Anyway. Back to purses. I don't like that I'm paying for the name. If I think the purse is cute, I'm not going to insist on the 'real thing.' I'm buying it because I like the style; why would I care if it's a 'fake'?
I don't understand the need for status symbols, I guess. Maybe that's because my family has never placed a lot of focus on money- we've always seemed to have enough money, but not an excessive amount. And I don't understand the need for conformity; as one friend explained, her cousins having Coach purses has made her want them too. I don't know; I can walk next to this same friend with an Old Navy purse I bought at our church auction for a couple of bucks and not feel at all ashamed or jealous of her Coach purse.
I wouldn't say I have unique style, by any means, and that's actually something I kind of envy. I have a few friends who have their own fashion sense and the confidence to pull off whatever look they try. I'm jealous- there are times I'll see something and not buy it because I don't think it's 'me' even though I like it, or I would feel like a poser or something. This is stupid, I know- but I console myself by saying that at least if my style isn't terribly original, it's not the carbon copy of whatever's 'popular' at the time. So even if I do have a Tommy purse (a clearance buy given to me by Mom when I was in need of a new purse)... I don't have it because it's Tommy, it didn't cost a fortune, and it's not like everyone else's.
I guess I just wonder about the allure of these purses and things because I've never really experienced it. To me, a purse is kind of a necessary evil... I don't like carrying it, but a lot of my clothes don't have sufficient pockets to carry stuff with me. To spend more than $30 on a purse seems laughable (exceptions are only for amazing purses like Dominique's teapot-shaped and watering-can-shaped purses); $100 seems insane.
This argument applies to so many things (what makes Tiffany jewelry so damn special?)... but basically, I'm glad that I'll never be wearing Ralph Lauren from head to toe and a Tiffany jewelry set while toting Louis Vuitton luggage and a Coach purse. There are so many things I'd rather spend my money on than a designer name or logo.
Instead, I have been inspired by this website to write about my view on designer purses/handbags/clutches/coin purses/etc. I realize some girls may think a post of this type is equivalent to treason, or something crazy like that, but I would much rather buy a bag from the website above than from Coach or Prada or any of the big designer names. I honestly don't understand the craze over designer purses.
Yes, I've been raised to be thrifty... bargain shopping runs in our family (last time my aunt came in town, she went with my grandma, mom, little cousin, and I on a Wal-Mart and dollar store run). I have a really hard time spending $40 on jeans, or $20 on a t-shirt. It's partially because I'm poor, but it's partially because Mom would rarely buy anything for me that wasn't on the clearance or sale rack. I'm not at all ashamed to go in a store and skip straight to the back of the section to check what's cheap; I'm proud when I find a really good deal. It's just how I've been raised, I suppose, and I think it's pretty smart. I'm never going to be a woman who goes out and blows a few hundred dollars in an afternoon on clothes or shoes, no matter how much money I have. I just can't do it.
This is probably a lot of the reason I can't picture myself buying a designer purse. Even if the purse is cute, I have a really hard time spending that much money on a purse. (Never mind the fact that I'm not huge on purses to begin with- I use one for a few months at a time, usually- it's never matched to my outfit or anything.) And with designer purses, I have an even harder time.
It's like shopping at Abercrombie or American Eagle or any store where the name is 'popular.' I hate that they can charge twice as much for the same piece of clothing I can buy at another store just because it has a certain name on it. There was a time I cared a little more about that, and I'm not going to say I don't own anything from either of those stores... but I can say that I have never paid full price for something from Abercrombie or American Eagle. And I'm proud of that simply because the prices are absurd, and not because they're better quality clothes (I'm not even going to go into the idiocy of paying more for less fabric).
Anyway. Back to purses. I don't like that I'm paying for the name. If I think the purse is cute, I'm not going to insist on the 'real thing.' I'm buying it because I like the style; why would I care if it's a 'fake'?
I don't understand the need for status symbols, I guess. Maybe that's because my family has never placed a lot of focus on money- we've always seemed to have enough money, but not an excessive amount. And I don't understand the need for conformity; as one friend explained, her cousins having Coach purses has made her want them too. I don't know; I can walk next to this same friend with an Old Navy purse I bought at our church auction for a couple of bucks and not feel at all ashamed or jealous of her Coach purse.
I wouldn't say I have unique style, by any means, and that's actually something I kind of envy. I have a few friends who have their own fashion sense and the confidence to pull off whatever look they try. I'm jealous- there are times I'll see something and not buy it because I don't think it's 'me' even though I like it, or I would feel like a poser or something. This is stupid, I know- but I console myself by saying that at least if my style isn't terribly original, it's not the carbon copy of whatever's 'popular' at the time. So even if I do have a Tommy purse (a clearance buy given to me by Mom when I was in need of a new purse)... I don't have it because it's Tommy, it didn't cost a fortune, and it's not like everyone else's.
I guess I just wonder about the allure of these purses and things because I've never really experienced it. To me, a purse is kind of a necessary evil... I don't like carrying it, but a lot of my clothes don't have sufficient pockets to carry stuff with me. To spend more than $30 on a purse seems laughable (exceptions are only for amazing purses like Dominique's teapot-shaped and watering-can-shaped purses); $100 seems insane.
This argument applies to so many things (what makes Tiffany jewelry so damn special?)... but basically, I'm glad that I'll never be wearing Ralph Lauren from head to toe and a Tiffany jewelry set while toting Louis Vuitton luggage and a Coach purse. There are so many things I'd rather spend my money on than a designer name or logo.
Friday, April 14, 2006
I was browsing back through some old LJ entries, and I stumbled across one that I wrote when upset, and somehow it ended up fairly coherent. In fact, I think it's pretty well written, and it actually made me cry again to read over it. So... I felt like posting it here (most of it, anyhow). If you've already read it, fine, but if not... enjoy, or something.
I miss Daddy so much. And sometimes I feel like it's been so long (since he died in summer '98- about 6 and a half years) that I shouldn't still get so sad. It's like there's something in me that makes me think I have to be strong. I know I don't; I tell everyone else that, and believe it. For some reason, I hold myself to higher standards, though, and I can't take my own advice. I do that on a lot of things. Then other times, I realize how much I'm forgetting, and how much I'm moving on, and I feel guilty. Like I shouldn't be ABLE to put thoughts of my dad out of my head as much as I do. And if I'm forgetting things now, imagine once I'm OLDER. I'm not going to be able to remember many things that aren't in pictures.
The problem is, when you're in 5th grade, you're a whole hell of a lot more worried about moving on to middle school, that guy-you-think-you-like, and the weird "talk" you've just heard than you are about cementing memories and what someone looks like- really looks like, not just in pictures- into your brain. I can't go in my head and picture my dad, the way he was... I can picture the way I've seen him in pictures; I can remember those moments we've captured and the things I did with him over and over. But it's not like it is on TV (Everwood, Boy Meets World), where you can sit there and play a memory in your head, or "see" the person and how they might give you advice on something. I just can't do that. And I hate it. I close my eyes and try to picture his face, and the only things I can see are the expressions I remember from pictures and his face in the coffin, and that face isn't even HIM. Anyone who's seen someone after they die can attest to that- it's just not even the same face. My lack of great visual memory is probably part, if not most, of the reason I love pictures so much, and why I take random pictures of stupid moments that other people might think are retarded. I want to remember EVERYTHING- especially those little moments that seem pointless at the time. Later the pictures can conjure a memory of a feeling that's totally goofy and fun and happy and real. I like candid snapshots, where no one's faking a smile, no one's sucking in their stomach, no one's trying to look different than they really are, and you see the person exactly as they really are/were and feel/felt to be around. I think I just want to capture as much of a true snapshot of a person as I can, because I'm afraid that later I'll lose that person- whether we lose touch, get mad at each other forever, grow apart, or something terrible happens- and I won't be able to remember them. Or I'll be able to remember the posed moments, but not the little everyday things about them that I took for granted. Or the spontaneous goofy moments. And that's part of what I hate about the memories of my dad- I remember very few of the little things, until I touch someone's hands that are big and rough, or I see someone wearing suspenders, or I hear someone singing who obviously loves music but has absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. There are all kinds of little tiny sensations like that that bring the memories rushing back, but it's like they last just a second and then I lose them again.
Occasionally I'll see a dad really into something- like Mr. Griffin with winterguard, or something- and think that my dad would probably be right there too if he was still around. I mean, he owned his own business, and when we were little, he arranged the times he worked so he could coach our teams or help out with stuff that we were in, and I really, honestly, could've seen him being an active helper in TechnoKats or band or guard or whatever, and I wish he could've done it. Sometimes I'll see other peoples' dads that remind me of my dad, or I'll meet one that I just know he'd get along with. When I babysat for Fogelbergs, I remember one time their dad coming home. He doesn't look exactly like my dad, and he's a lot younger, but he's got about the same body build and somewhat similar features, and this strong, loud laugh, and I'm not really sure what it is, but there's something about him that reminds me of my dad. And the one time their dad came home at 5, the kids both stopped playing when they heard the door open, and ran to greet him and give him big hugs when we got home. It was so reminiscent of so many moments in my own childhood that I about cried just watching them. I think it's the moments like that, the ones that catch me off-guard, that are the hardest. When it's my dad's birthday or the anniversary of his death, or I'm visiting his grave, or I put on Phantom music, or something like that... I kind of expect the memories to come. But when they're unexpected, it kind of takes my breath for just a second and then I have to regain my composure.
Sometimes I feel like it's not fair. I try to remind myself how blessed I am, because I totally have about everything else I could ask for. Besides a talent for chemistry, but who knows, maybe I don't even need that. I'm sure I have whatever I need for the life God has planned. But I still have to wonder why, exactly. I know God has a reason and a plan and all that, and I do believe it. I don't expect to be able to understand everything he does-- I mean, I'm only human. But there are times where I just think... "why him?"
I remember when my brother and I initially went into the principal's office and saw my mom and the pastor, and my first thought was that something had happened to my aunt, or maybe uncle. They both had- and have- perpetually bad health, and have been in for hospital visits and surgeries and who knows what else for as long as I can remember. And as soon as I realized something was wrong, they came to mind. It didn't even register that my dad was missing from the room.
I think I never expected it partly because I was still naive, and basically, who expects their healthy dad to get a heart attack at 42? Especially when it's your last day of 5th grade. It's the furthest worry from your mind. And yet... it happens. Whether or not your dad seems healthy to you, whether or not he had a good report at his physical two weeks ago (...he did), whether or not you're too young to lose a parent (Steve was in first grade), it can, and did, happen.
My dad's heart attack was caused by an arrythmia. Basically, a random funky heartbeat. So, the reason? I really wish I knew. I know that it's definitely the single most defining experience of my life, but I still wish I knew WHY. I shouldn't judge people, but I look around at other people who are just... awful, in some ways. And I know I probably think of my dad better both because he was my daddy and because he's not here anymore, but I can't help but wonder why he's gone before some other people. I don't think anyone who knew him thought of him badly. At his viewing, all kinds of people who knew him only through working with the business showed up. Through solely a business relationship with a lot of people, he established such rapport with them that if I go into Napa today and mention my dad's name, they'll remember him, and maybe even remember him bringing Bill and I in there in the Jimmy, and them giving us Tootsie Roll Pops for free even though they were on sale for a quarter. Lots of people who only knew him from working with our family business respected him enough to come to his viewing. It amazes me, and impresses me, that he was able to create such a great business with such strong customer loyalty, despite having lost both of his parents by the time he was my age and following honest business practices and still making time for family. I know I'm probably biased, but ...that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
I think I miss him most or get sad the most when I think about the *big* moments in my life he'll miss, or the people he'll never meet. My dad wasn't there for my graduation from high school, and he won't be there for my graduation from college, or my wedding, or when I have kids. He has never met most of my best friends now, and he's never met any of my boyfriends. He won't get to walk me down the aisle and give me away; he has never gotten to interrogate or intimidate a guy before a date. He never heard me play french horn decently; he never got to tell me that I wasn't allowed out in what I was wearing. He didn't get to help me choose Purdue (though he probably would've pushed for me to look at IU a little more/sooner than I did, lol); he didn't get to see me all dressed up for proms. There are a million more moments, and I hate that any *big* happy moment in my life is going to have this little piece of my heart holding back from being entirely thrilled. When I get married, I'm going to want to be elated, and I'm sure I will be- but there's going to be some little piece of me that can't help but be sad that my Daddy's not there too. No moment that should be happy will be entirely perfect. I know the moments won't be ruined... but it still bothers me. I'm selfish, and I want my daddy with me.
I feel bad sometimes because I treat telling someone about my dad like this necessary evil. Whenever I meet someone, and start to get to know them, I don't immediately bring it up, but I also feel like I should tell them at some point, because I've been in too many situations where I don't mention that my dad's no longer alive, and then somehow the topic randomly comes up and things are horribly awkward. And I think when I tell people, I try to pass it off as not being a big deal, because I hate when people pity me or treat me differently. But I really hope it doesn't come off that way, because my dad's dying definitely WAS a big deal. Still IS a big deal. I think I treat it like a tumor or something sometimes, though. The conversation where I tell a new friend about my dad is just something I feel like I have to get through and do to avoid it being awkward later. And then I feel awful that I treat talking about it like a chore. But I think a lot of the ways I deal with it aren't the best... they're just how I am.
I miss him even more when I'm upset about something. And this semester I've missed him probably more than I had anytime recently. As you all have read way too many times, I just don't quite feel like myself, and I feel like I don't know who I am and who I'm supposed to be becoming. College is supposed to change you and develop you and teach you and transition you to the adult version of you. And I feel like I'm going backwards in almost every aspect. I'm losing my sense of identity, and I feel more and more weak as time goes on. I'm less proud of myself, and more lazy, and less close to God, and more pessimistic, and I just feel like I'm more lost than I've been anytime in the past few years, at least, and I need someone who knows me and gets me to give me the right advice. My mom and I are pretty close, I guess, but I always felt like a daddy's girl. We just got each other, in so many ways. And I just wish I could talk to him, and find out his advice, and feel his arms around me to comfort me. I know it's probably immature, but I just feel like if he were here, he'd be able to help me figure out what's going on with me, and help me get over it. I'm sick of feeling so bad about and so unhappy with myself, but I'm basically stuck in this rut, and I know the things I need to do to get out of it, but for some reason it's just really, really hard. And my friends help- don't get me wrong... some of you help SO much. But other times, I feel like a little girl again and all I want is my daddy to hold me and hug me and make everything better. And then I feel even worse, because I know he can't be there. I'm sure it's just wishful thinking, and he probably would be able to do no more than anyone else can for me right now. But I still wish it.
I know I've said most of this before, but I don't care. And this was long and rambly and now I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face and my nose is running and I don't exactly know why I started writing, or why I went on the tangents that I did. I know this makes very little sense, and I did a horrible job of expressing anything of worth. But... I think some feelings just can't be expressed in words, no matter how much you try, and I think I just need to go upstairs and have a good cry more than I need to sit here like the English nerd I am trying to make this make more sense.
Anyway. Happy birthday, Daddy... I miss you like crazy, even though I know you're in Heaven and that has to be amazing and wonderful.
I love you sooo much.
-Originally posted 12/26/05.
I miss Daddy so much. And sometimes I feel like it's been so long (since he died in summer '98- about 6 and a half years) that I shouldn't still get so sad. It's like there's something in me that makes me think I have to be strong. I know I don't; I tell everyone else that, and believe it. For some reason, I hold myself to higher standards, though, and I can't take my own advice. I do that on a lot of things. Then other times, I realize how much I'm forgetting, and how much I'm moving on, and I feel guilty. Like I shouldn't be ABLE to put thoughts of my dad out of my head as much as I do. And if I'm forgetting things now, imagine once I'm OLDER. I'm not going to be able to remember many things that aren't in pictures.
The problem is, when you're in 5th grade, you're a whole hell of a lot more worried about moving on to middle school, that guy-you-think-you-like, and the weird "talk" you've just heard than you are about cementing memories and what someone looks like- really looks like, not just in pictures- into your brain. I can't go in my head and picture my dad, the way he was... I can picture the way I've seen him in pictures; I can remember those moments we've captured and the things I did with him over and over. But it's not like it is on TV (Everwood, Boy Meets World), where you can sit there and play a memory in your head, or "see" the person and how they might give you advice on something. I just can't do that. And I hate it. I close my eyes and try to picture his face, and the only things I can see are the expressions I remember from pictures and his face in the coffin, and that face isn't even HIM. Anyone who's seen someone after they die can attest to that- it's just not even the same face. My lack of great visual memory is probably part, if not most, of the reason I love pictures so much, and why I take random pictures of stupid moments that other people might think are retarded. I want to remember EVERYTHING- especially those little moments that seem pointless at the time. Later the pictures can conjure a memory of a feeling that's totally goofy and fun and happy and real. I like candid snapshots, where no one's faking a smile, no one's sucking in their stomach, no one's trying to look different than they really are, and you see the person exactly as they really are/were and feel/felt to be around. I think I just want to capture as much of a true snapshot of a person as I can, because I'm afraid that later I'll lose that person- whether we lose touch, get mad at each other forever, grow apart, or something terrible happens- and I won't be able to remember them. Or I'll be able to remember the posed moments, but not the little everyday things about them that I took for granted. Or the spontaneous goofy moments. And that's part of what I hate about the memories of my dad- I remember very few of the little things, until I touch someone's hands that are big and rough, or I see someone wearing suspenders, or I hear someone singing who obviously loves music but has absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. There are all kinds of little tiny sensations like that that bring the memories rushing back, but it's like they last just a second and then I lose them again.
Occasionally I'll see a dad really into something- like Mr. Griffin with winterguard, or something- and think that my dad would probably be right there too if he was still around. I mean, he owned his own business, and when we were little, he arranged the times he worked so he could coach our teams or help out with stuff that we were in, and I really, honestly, could've seen him being an active helper in TechnoKats or band or guard or whatever, and I wish he could've done it. Sometimes I'll see other peoples' dads that remind me of my dad, or I'll meet one that I just know he'd get along with. When I babysat for Fogelbergs, I remember one time their dad coming home. He doesn't look exactly like my dad, and he's a lot younger, but he's got about the same body build and somewhat similar features, and this strong, loud laugh, and I'm not really sure what it is, but there's something about him that reminds me of my dad. And the one time their dad came home at 5, the kids both stopped playing when they heard the door open, and ran to greet him and give him big hugs when we got home. It was so reminiscent of so many moments in my own childhood that I about cried just watching them. I think it's the moments like that, the ones that catch me off-guard, that are the hardest. When it's my dad's birthday or the anniversary of his death, or I'm visiting his grave, or I put on Phantom music, or something like that... I kind of expect the memories to come. But when they're unexpected, it kind of takes my breath for just a second and then I have to regain my composure.
Sometimes I feel like it's not fair. I try to remind myself how blessed I am, because I totally have about everything else I could ask for. Besides a talent for chemistry, but who knows, maybe I don't even need that. I'm sure I have whatever I need for the life God has planned. But I still have to wonder why, exactly. I know God has a reason and a plan and all that, and I do believe it. I don't expect to be able to understand everything he does-- I mean, I'm only human. But there are times where I just think... "why him?"
I remember when my brother and I initially went into the principal's office and saw my mom and the pastor, and my first thought was that something had happened to my aunt, or maybe uncle. They both had- and have- perpetually bad health, and have been in for hospital visits and surgeries and who knows what else for as long as I can remember. And as soon as I realized something was wrong, they came to mind. It didn't even register that my dad was missing from the room.
I think I never expected it partly because I was still naive, and basically, who expects their healthy dad to get a heart attack at 42? Especially when it's your last day of 5th grade. It's the furthest worry from your mind. And yet... it happens. Whether or not your dad seems healthy to you, whether or not he had a good report at his physical two weeks ago (...he did), whether or not you're too young to lose a parent (Steve was in first grade), it can, and did, happen.
My dad's heart attack was caused by an arrythmia. Basically, a random funky heartbeat. So, the reason? I really wish I knew. I know that it's definitely the single most defining experience of my life, but I still wish I knew WHY. I shouldn't judge people, but I look around at other people who are just... awful, in some ways. And I know I probably think of my dad better both because he was my daddy and because he's not here anymore, but I can't help but wonder why he's gone before some other people. I don't think anyone who knew him thought of him badly. At his viewing, all kinds of people who knew him only through working with the business showed up. Through solely a business relationship with a lot of people, he established such rapport with them that if I go into Napa today and mention my dad's name, they'll remember him, and maybe even remember him bringing Bill and I in there in the Jimmy, and them giving us Tootsie Roll Pops for free even though they were on sale for a quarter. Lots of people who only knew him from working with our family business respected him enough to come to his viewing. It amazes me, and impresses me, that he was able to create such a great business with such strong customer loyalty, despite having lost both of his parents by the time he was my age and following honest business practices and still making time for family. I know I'm probably biased, but ...that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
I think I miss him most or get sad the most when I think about the *big* moments in my life he'll miss, or the people he'll never meet. My dad wasn't there for my graduation from high school, and he won't be there for my graduation from college, or my wedding, or when I have kids. He has never met most of my best friends now, and he's never met any of my boyfriends. He won't get to walk me down the aisle and give me away; he has never gotten to interrogate or intimidate a guy before a date. He never heard me play french horn decently; he never got to tell me that I wasn't allowed out in what I was wearing. He didn't get to help me choose Purdue (though he probably would've pushed for me to look at IU a little more/sooner than I did, lol); he didn't get to see me all dressed up for proms. There are a million more moments, and I hate that any *big* happy moment in my life is going to have this little piece of my heart holding back from being entirely thrilled. When I get married, I'm going to want to be elated, and I'm sure I will be- but there's going to be some little piece of me that can't help but be sad that my Daddy's not there too. No moment that should be happy will be entirely perfect. I know the moments won't be ruined... but it still bothers me. I'm selfish, and I want my daddy with me.
I feel bad sometimes because I treat telling someone about my dad like this necessary evil. Whenever I meet someone, and start to get to know them, I don't immediately bring it up, but I also feel like I should tell them at some point, because I've been in too many situations where I don't mention that my dad's no longer alive, and then somehow the topic randomly comes up and things are horribly awkward. And I think when I tell people, I try to pass it off as not being a big deal, because I hate when people pity me or treat me differently. But I really hope it doesn't come off that way, because my dad's dying definitely WAS a big deal. Still IS a big deal. I think I treat it like a tumor or something sometimes, though. The conversation where I tell a new friend about my dad is just something I feel like I have to get through and do to avoid it being awkward later. And then I feel awful that I treat talking about it like a chore. But I think a lot of the ways I deal with it aren't the best... they're just how I am.
I miss him even more when I'm upset about something. And this semester I've missed him probably more than I had anytime recently. As you all have read way too many times, I just don't quite feel like myself, and I feel like I don't know who I am and who I'm supposed to be becoming. College is supposed to change you and develop you and teach you and transition you to the adult version of you. And I feel like I'm going backwards in almost every aspect. I'm losing my sense of identity, and I feel more and more weak as time goes on. I'm less proud of myself, and more lazy, and less close to God, and more pessimistic, and I just feel like I'm more lost than I've been anytime in the past few years, at least, and I need someone who knows me and gets me to give me the right advice. My mom and I are pretty close, I guess, but I always felt like a daddy's girl. We just got each other, in so many ways. And I just wish I could talk to him, and find out his advice, and feel his arms around me to comfort me. I know it's probably immature, but I just feel like if he were here, he'd be able to help me figure out what's going on with me, and help me get over it. I'm sick of feeling so bad about and so unhappy with myself, but I'm basically stuck in this rut, and I know the things I need to do to get out of it, but for some reason it's just really, really hard. And my friends help- don't get me wrong... some of you help SO much. But other times, I feel like a little girl again and all I want is my daddy to hold me and hug me and make everything better. And then I feel even worse, because I know he can't be there. I'm sure it's just wishful thinking, and he probably would be able to do no more than anyone else can for me right now. But I still wish it.
I know I've said most of this before, but I don't care. And this was long and rambly and now I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face and my nose is running and I don't exactly know why I started writing, or why I went on the tangents that I did. I know this makes very little sense, and I did a horrible job of expressing anything of worth. But... I think some feelings just can't be expressed in words, no matter how much you try, and I think I just need to go upstairs and have a good cry more than I need to sit here like the English nerd I am trying to make this make more sense.
Anyway. Happy birthday, Daddy... I miss you like crazy, even though I know you're in Heaven and that has to be amazing and wonderful.
I love you sooo much.
-Originally posted 12/26/05.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Cards.
Working at Hallmark for the past summer and winter break has given me a different perspective on cards. Before then, occasionally I'd get a cool card, but for the most part I wondered why they were such a big deal.
Once I worked there, though- I watched some of the people who spend lots of money on cards. I would see people who come in with a list of cards they need to get for the month, and they'll spend an hour or more poring (pouring?) over the cards for just the right ones. These shoppers are hardcore- some of them know the card layout better than I do.
One lady, around Christmas, came in and asked me to help her choose a card for a good friend of hers. Apparently this lady can't read too many cards in succession, or she'll have tremors, but she likes to pick out just the right card, so one of us who works there helps her each time she comes in. She's a sweet lady, and although at first it seemed a little strange to give my advice on which cards were better, I remember feeling really satisfied when she settled on a card and thanked me for all of my help, saying she would've had to just pick one quickly without me.
Hallmark's motto is "When you care to send the very best," but what I realized from working there is that most people don't come to Hallmark because the cards are any better than anywhere else; rather, they come to Hallmark because it's primarily a card store, and they're able to pick out one that doesn't just 'work'- instead, it fits the person and situation specifically. It's not because they care to send the best; it's just because they care.
Even if a card just has a quick, scrawled note on it, a card represents caring. Receiving a card- or, really, any mail- is a reminder that someone is thinking of you. And, while it may take more time, effort, or even a little more money for the sender, when you open the envelope and find a card that you think must have been written with you in mind... it makes you feel loved.
While it's exhausting to pull out card after card to read, and then try to decide which one you like the most, there are plenty of people who think the process is worth it to find that certain card. I can see it sometimes when I'm working the register; the customer comes up to me with this triumphant smile, their eyes shouting, "I found it! I found the perfect card!"
Hallmark may be kind of expensive, capitalizing on the fact that people want to come to a store where they have lots of card options, but I like working there, for the most part. Most of our customers are there to do something nice for someone else, and I like that- both because they're generally not mean to employees, and because I like to see things like a young boy taking his little sister to buy a card and stuffed animal for their mom, who's in the hospital- and then paying for it himself. Working at Hallmark allows me to see people at their least selfish and most caring.
And, occasionally, I stumble on one of those perfect cards myself. :)
Once I worked there, though- I watched some of the people who spend lots of money on cards. I would see people who come in with a list of cards they need to get for the month, and they'll spend an hour or more poring (pouring?) over the cards for just the right ones. These shoppers are hardcore- some of them know the card layout better than I do.
One lady, around Christmas, came in and asked me to help her choose a card for a good friend of hers. Apparently this lady can't read too many cards in succession, or she'll have tremors, but she likes to pick out just the right card, so one of us who works there helps her each time she comes in. She's a sweet lady, and although at first it seemed a little strange to give my advice on which cards were better, I remember feeling really satisfied when she settled on a card and thanked me for all of my help, saying she would've had to just pick one quickly without me.
Hallmark's motto is "When you care to send the very best," but what I realized from working there is that most people don't come to Hallmark because the cards are any better than anywhere else; rather, they come to Hallmark because it's primarily a card store, and they're able to pick out one that doesn't just 'work'- instead, it fits the person and situation specifically. It's not because they care to send the best; it's just because they care.
Even if a card just has a quick, scrawled note on it, a card represents caring. Receiving a card- or, really, any mail- is a reminder that someone is thinking of you. And, while it may take more time, effort, or even a little more money for the sender, when you open the envelope and find a card that you think must have been written with you in mind... it makes you feel loved.
While it's exhausting to pull out card after card to read, and then try to decide which one you like the most, there are plenty of people who think the process is worth it to find that certain card. I can see it sometimes when I'm working the register; the customer comes up to me with this triumphant smile, their eyes shouting, "I found it! I found the perfect card!"
Hallmark may be kind of expensive, capitalizing on the fact that people want to come to a store where they have lots of card options, but I like working there, for the most part. Most of our customers are there to do something nice for someone else, and I like that- both because they're generally not mean to employees, and because I like to see things like a young boy taking his little sister to buy a card and stuffed animal for their mom, who's in the hospital- and then paying for it himself. Working at Hallmark allows me to see people at their least selfish and most caring.
And, occasionally, I stumble on one of those perfect cards myself. :)
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
stealth fighter
Current Mood: procrastinating (how utterly common)
Current Music: Malaguena (how utterly AMAZING)
I've decided to post again, mainly to keep momentum going for this thing. I don't really have a good idea of something to write about today, so I'm going to steal one from Bradley.
Jenny's Shower-Going Odyssey
I mostly stick to stuff that has been given to me or provided for me by the Mom. At some point, probably due to some members of my family having somewhat dry/sensitive/easy-allergic skin, we added shower gel and a loofah to the soap selection. Yes, loofahs are poofy and girly, but they do a much better job of scrubbing a little as well as soaping you up, and I happen to very much like the plethora of options when it comes to body washes. My family generally uses Oil of Olay's Sensitive Skin body wash. This stuff foams up, doesn't smell like much of anything, and makes my skin soft. Currently, I've taken a break from the Olay to use some Victoria's Secret "luxorious shower gel." The scent (Pure Seduction) is lovely, and if you use more than about 3 drops, the foam becomes too much to handle; the bottle will surely last me at least through the summer. It's definitely luxorious and I very much like it (thank you). :)
As for other skin products, I use about half of the ProActiv regimen- not sure how well it works. My skin would surely be better if I actually did the 3-step process twice a day plus the mask twice a week, but I think anyone who washes their face that well that often is going to have bad skin, no matter what the product. Apparently unlike Jessica Simpson, I have better things to do. Stray makeup is removed with any kind of Clinique makeup remover, because I've found nothing that works better annnd it doesn't hurt my eyes (a big plus). I also use various types of lotion on occasion, notable favorites including Skin Milk (the bottle looks like an old-fashioned milk bottle; smells a little funny but makes my legs shiny and soft), skin-silkening body lotion in Pure Seduction (it makes my hands uber-soft), Bath and Body Works Body Cream or Lotion (either work fairly well, and there are a thousand scents to choose from) and Olay body "quench" body lotion (a soft but pleasant smell, and even a little bit of shimmer). Deoderant wise, I've always used Secret just because it's what the Mom has bought for me, but specifically Secret Platinum's Glacier Mist seems to both work and have a nice scent, so that's my favorite.
(I've just now realized that a girl's shower-going odyssey is probably a bigger undertaking than a guy's. And I'm realizing that this probably isn't exactly the stimulating, entertaining type of writing I planned to put in this blog, but I've written too much to go back now. Continuing!)
Shaving! I stick to my Venus razor, which is sooo much better than the old disposable razors my mom used to get. The disposable tips are easy to use, and while they're kind of expensive, Sam's Club sells them for cheaper. I also use Skintimate shave gel stuff (I currently have "Melon Burst"), which foam up to make shaving smoother and help me know where I've already shaved, so I don't cut myself too badly, forget a spot, or get razorburn very often. The aforementioned lotions being applied after shaving also help with that (the razorburn, not the cuts- oh man, lotion in cuts will earn you nothing but pain! and doesn't help if you forgot a spot either).
As for my hair, I'm fairly low-maintenance. I suppose that's both my personality (I just plain would rather not mess with it most of the time) and my hair type (boring and straight, but at least that doesn't call for tons of mousse or frizz-control products). Suave shampoos seem to work well for cheap. Currently, I use Suave Kids Hair Smoothers in Strawberry Swirl. I don't care that this is obviously meant for kids. It smells like a strawberry smoothie, a nice compliment to the Suave Kids Go-Go-Grape Conditioner Plus Detangler (which I like for not only the great smell and smooth, easy-to-comb hair afterwards, but also the cute frog on the bottle). I know some people don't use conditioner, but it makes hair *so* much more manageable and soft. When I've had to go without conditioner, it really drives me crazy. Shampoo-plus-conditioners are better than nothing... but it's not quite the same. Really, use conditioner. It doesn't take that much longer, and it's sooo worth it, especially if your hair is at all long or hard to control. I also use a bit of pomade or hair spray to keep my swoopy bangs going to the side, if necessary, but for the most part I'm just lazy.
And, finally, we come to teeth. This may not appear to be a part of a shower, but sometimes it is for me. One less step, it seems... it's more convenient, at least when I don't have a sink in my room (grr dorm bathrooms). Anyway, I have to use little floss threaders to get through the built-in retainer on my bottom teeth, so I don't bother with flossing every day. I know I should. My toothpaste of choice is Crest Whitening Plus Scope in Minty Fresh Striped. I'm really sort of afraid to try the whole citrus thing. I suppose that would solve the problem of not being able to have orange juice with breakfast if you've just brushed your teeth, but really, I'm not sure how that can feel very clean. For now, I'll stick to mint. I like the Scope-ness of my toothpaste because it feels like I'm doing two steps in one. :) In a pinch for breath freshness, I love Life Savers in Spearmint (with the added bonus of a breathing hole if you choke on one!), Oral-B Brush-Ups (it feels a little like brushing your teeth with your finger, except it actually kind of works), and Trident White in Spearmint (haven't noticed whitening, but it makes me feel minty fresh!). If I go for mouthwash, it's Scope- Listerine's just a bit too strong for me, and my grandma Fran always used Scope.
Well, this was crazy long, and probably not particularly interesting, but there ya go. :)
Current Music: Malaguena (how utterly AMAZING)
I've decided to post again, mainly to keep momentum going for this thing. I don't really have a good idea of something to write about today, so I'm going to steal one from Bradley.
Jenny's Shower-Going Odyssey
I mostly stick to stuff that has been given to me or provided for me by the Mom. At some point, probably due to some members of my family having somewhat dry/sensitive/easy-allergic skin, we added shower gel and a loofah to the soap selection. Yes, loofahs are poofy and girly, but they do a much better job of scrubbing a little as well as soaping you up, and I happen to very much like the plethora of options when it comes to body washes. My family generally uses Oil of Olay's Sensitive Skin body wash. This stuff foams up, doesn't smell like much of anything, and makes my skin soft. Currently, I've taken a break from the Olay to use some Victoria's Secret "luxorious shower gel." The scent (Pure Seduction) is lovely, and if you use more than about 3 drops, the foam becomes too much to handle; the bottle will surely last me at least through the summer. It's definitely luxorious and I very much like it (thank you). :)
As for other skin products, I use about half of the ProActiv regimen- not sure how well it works. My skin would surely be better if I actually did the 3-step process twice a day plus the mask twice a week, but I think anyone who washes their face that well that often is going to have bad skin, no matter what the product. Apparently unlike Jessica Simpson, I have better things to do. Stray makeup is removed with any kind of Clinique makeup remover, because I've found nothing that works better annnd it doesn't hurt my eyes (a big plus). I also use various types of lotion on occasion, notable favorites including Skin Milk (the bottle looks like an old-fashioned milk bottle; smells a little funny but makes my legs shiny and soft), skin-silkening body lotion in Pure Seduction (it makes my hands uber-soft), Bath and Body Works Body Cream or Lotion (either work fairly well, and there are a thousand scents to choose from) and Olay body "quench" body lotion (a soft but pleasant smell, and even a little bit of shimmer). Deoderant wise, I've always used Secret just because it's what the Mom has bought for me, but specifically Secret Platinum's Glacier Mist seems to both work and have a nice scent, so that's my favorite.
(I've just now realized that a girl's shower-going odyssey is probably a bigger undertaking than a guy's. And I'm realizing that this probably isn't exactly the stimulating, entertaining type of writing I planned to put in this blog, but I've written too much to go back now. Continuing!)
Shaving! I stick to my Venus razor, which is sooo much better than the old disposable razors my mom used to get. The disposable tips are easy to use, and while they're kind of expensive, Sam's Club sells them for cheaper. I also use Skintimate shave gel stuff (I currently have "Melon Burst"), which foam up to make shaving smoother and help me know where I've already shaved, so I don't cut myself too badly, forget a spot, or get razorburn very often. The aforementioned lotions being applied after shaving also help with that (the razorburn, not the cuts- oh man, lotion in cuts will earn you nothing but pain! and doesn't help if you forgot a spot either).
As for my hair, I'm fairly low-maintenance. I suppose that's both my personality (I just plain would rather not mess with it most of the time) and my hair type (boring and straight, but at least that doesn't call for tons of mousse or frizz-control products). Suave shampoos seem to work well for cheap. Currently, I use Suave Kids Hair Smoothers in Strawberry Swirl. I don't care that this is obviously meant for kids. It smells like a strawberry smoothie, a nice compliment to the Suave Kids Go-Go-Grape Conditioner Plus Detangler (which I like for not only the great smell and smooth, easy-to-comb hair afterwards, but also the cute frog on the bottle). I know some people don't use conditioner, but it makes hair *so* much more manageable and soft. When I've had to go without conditioner, it really drives me crazy. Shampoo-plus-conditioners are better than nothing... but it's not quite the same. Really, use conditioner. It doesn't take that much longer, and it's sooo worth it, especially if your hair is at all long or hard to control. I also use a bit of pomade or hair spray to keep my swoopy bangs going to the side, if necessary, but for the most part I'm just lazy.
And, finally, we come to teeth. This may not appear to be a part of a shower, but sometimes it is for me. One less step, it seems... it's more convenient, at least when I don't have a sink in my room (grr dorm bathrooms). Anyway, I have to use little floss threaders to get through the built-in retainer on my bottom teeth, so I don't bother with flossing every day. I know I should. My toothpaste of choice is Crest Whitening Plus Scope in Minty Fresh Striped. I'm really sort of afraid to try the whole citrus thing. I suppose that would solve the problem of not being able to have orange juice with breakfast if you've just brushed your teeth, but really, I'm not sure how that can feel very clean. For now, I'll stick to mint. I like the Scope-ness of my toothpaste because it feels like I'm doing two steps in one. :) In a pinch for breath freshness, I love Life Savers in Spearmint (with the added bonus of a breathing hole if you choke on one!), Oral-B Brush-Ups (it feels a little like brushing your teeth with your finger, except it actually kind of works), and Trident White in Spearmint (haven't noticed whitening, but it makes me feel minty fresh!). If I go for mouthwash, it's Scope- Listerine's just a bit too strong for me, and my grandma Fran always used Scope.
Well, this was crazy long, and probably not particularly interesting, but there ya go. :)
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Harriet
I'm not sure why, but it's incredibly difficult to come up with the first entry of a journal, and probably even moreso for blogs, because there's an audience.
I guess I'll begin with a quick explanation of what I created this blog for. I already have a LiveJournal, where I write out what's happening in my life (and while it's somewhat informational, it's probably not all that interesting). I have a good old-fashioned paper journal (where I write when it's just for me). So, what's this blog for, you might ask?
This blog is for me to just do some writing "for the masses." I like the idea of other people- maybe even those I don't know at all- stumbling across something I've written and finding it at least mildly entertaining. And so, instead of writing about my personal life, and worrying that information will fall into the wrong hands (creepy strangers or family members, namely), I hope to just write some random stuff in here and try to make it interesting to others. Perhaps I'll write out something interesting I saw that day, my opinion on some thing or topic, or a memory I feel like reliving.
Basically, this blog is a little less about keeping people informed about what's going on in my life, and a little more about me just writing. Who knows if I'll keep it up, but I'd certainly like to try. Feedback- positive or negative- or comments are always appreciated. :) Here we go!
I guess I'll begin with a quick explanation of what I created this blog for. I already have a LiveJournal, where I write out what's happening in my life (and while it's somewhat informational, it's probably not all that interesting). I have a good old-fashioned paper journal (where I write when it's just for me). So, what's this blog for, you might ask?
This blog is for me to just do some writing "for the masses." I like the idea of other people- maybe even those I don't know at all- stumbling across something I've written and finding it at least mildly entertaining. And so, instead of writing about my personal life, and worrying that information will fall into the wrong hands (creepy strangers or family members, namely), I hope to just write some random stuff in here and try to make it interesting to others. Perhaps I'll write out something interesting I saw that day, my opinion on some thing or topic, or a memory I feel like reliving.
Basically, this blog is a little less about keeping people informed about what's going on in my life, and a little more about me just writing. Who knows if I'll keep it up, but I'd certainly like to try. Feedback- positive or negative- or comments are always appreciated. :) Here we go!
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